Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Years

Happy New Years to Everyone! I'm at work right now and trying to bust ass so that I can get ready for tonight!
Hopefully, I can post more over the long weekend.
I hope you all have a wonderful and SAFE night!
XO - Jen

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Link Assasination

I hate to do it, BUT, I had to erase my link to "High Contrast". It's been almost two months since he's posted and I fear that his page has been orphaned. It's not that his link takes up too much space or anything, but I don't want to advertise a site that is not being updated. It really sucks! I will miss his great wit and outrageous stories. Peace Out My Friend. I hope you join us again soon!

Nothin' Really.....

Well, I have a doctor's appointment today at 4:30 p.m. I hope they give me some good meds.

I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I took some cool pics out of my office windows the other day while the sun was setting. I thought they were pretty cool and wanted to share!
East View
North View
West View
I've started my Fifth Chapter....hopefully I can post that later tonight.
I hope you are all having a great day! XOXO - Jen

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

After Christmas Blues....

I am alive. I've been sicker than a dog since Saturday. I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I did! I've had minimal drama over the last few days, but it's hard for me to be optimistic. I'm just viewing this as the calm before the storm.
I got so many wonderful gifts this year, I don't even know where to begin.
I got a $150 gift certificate for some massages at our nicest spa from the hubby. I couldn't believe it! He wrote me a really nice card to go along with it. I was stunned. I swear, he is Dr. Jeckell/Mr. Hyde.
Bryan got me the most beautiful ring!
It is SO me!!! It's unlike anything I've ever seen and I just love it. I have no idea what I did to deserve it, but it is BY FAR the nicest gift I've ever received.
Today is my first day back to work because I was out sick yesterday. So, I don't have much time to post AND absolutely no time to catch up with you guys. But, I promise to get back in the saddle as soon as I can.
In the meantime, here's some pics from the holidays!
My baby girl! Her eye looks crazy - but I guess the flash got her!
Me and Melly Moo!
Brianna and Kloie. I had to get crafty and give my pup some Christmas decorations around her collar.
As I said before, I hope ALL of you had a great Christmas. I sure have missed you guys and I've thought about you often.
XXXXX's and OOOOO's - Jen

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Bah Humbug.....Sorta

Well folks....I'm on DAY 15 of little or no sleep. I think I'm about 89% brain dead. But, I'm awake and I'm at work. What else can they ask for?

I thought I would get my shopping done last night, but it turned into a night of driving my mom all over town to find something my dad wants and me buying absolutely nothing. Which means that I have to go out tonight. Damn.

I still have wrapping to do, food to make and a house to clean. But, with all of my moaning and groaning, I really do LOVE Christmas. This year will be especially hard for's hard to be jolly when your personal life is a disaster. I mean, even people without any serious problems get depressed at Christmastime. But, I am hoping that I will be OK.
I am excited because my sister and niece get in from New York tonight. I can't wait! Plus, we get to find out the sex of the baby on January 3rd. Yea!!!!
Hope everyone is having a great day! I may try to find a way to leave early so that I can take a power nap. Anybody have any good excuses I can use?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Last Picture I Ever Took....

These were in an email I got. I thought they were pretty cool! Hope you do too!

Hugs & Kisses - Jen

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I Should Have Stayed In Bed Because....

~~ I had a small out-patient procedure done on Friday, and the bandage is right in the middle of my back - under my bra strap. It had come loose during the night and I was 30 minutes late for work because I was trying to do the impossible and fix it myself.

~~ On my way to work, I stopped to get a paper, cigs and some breakfast and my total came to $6.66. Not a good sign.

~~ I went to pay the meter on my smoke break and had a parking ticket. AGAIN!!!

~~ I went to eat lunch and as soon as the waitress sat my coke down, I knocked the entire thing over, most of which spilled into my lap.

~~ Walking back from lunch, I ran into my old boss. Believe me, there's no love lost there.

~~ I discovered that my winter coat has a hole in the pocket - after I had put my change in it from this morning. Total loss: $13.34 ($20.00 minus satan's money)

~~ I found out that this is my date for New Years Eve.

Damn It!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Another One - Thanks Ellen!

* 1st grade teacher's name: Ms. McKiernan - trying saying that when your 5/6 years old - LOL
* Last person you said I love you to: My Mom
* Last song you sang: A stupid commercial song that was stuck in my head. UGH!
* Last person you hugged: My-Coworker....we exchanged X-Mas gifts today
* Last thing you laughed at: Myself
* Last time you said I don’t remember: About 15 seconds ago
* Last time you cried: Last Thursday
* What color socks are you wearing: Black
* What's under your bed: Exercise mat and weights
* What time did you wake up today: 7:15 a.m.
* Current taste: Comfort is always first
* Current hair: Long and straight
* Current annoyance: Bad drivers
* Current longing: Peace of Mind
* Current desktop: My Beautiful Niece
* Current worry: Anything and Everything
* Current hate: Self-Loathing
* Current clothing: Work Clothes
* Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: Eyes
* Last CD that you listened to: Marc Broussard
* Favorite place to be: My Comfort Zone
* Least favorite place: Crowds
* Favorite sex position: ALL
* If you could play an(other) instrument: Piano
* Favorite color: Blue, Black, Purple
* Do you believe in an afterlife: Yes
* How tall are you: 5'5"
* Current favorite word/saying: Sweet!
* Favorite season: Spring
* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: My First Love

* Said "I love you" and meant it: I NEVER say it unless I mean it
* Been to Florida: Yes
* Been to California: No
* Been to Hawaii: No
* Been to Mexico: Yes
* Been to China: No
* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Yes

* Do you have a crush on someone: Yes
* Worst feeling in the world: Heartbreak
* What’s the 1st thing you think when you wake in the morning?: NOOOOOO!!!!
* How many rings before you answer: At least 3
* Future daughter's name: Violet Elizabeth - after both of my Grandmothers
* Future son's name: Deacon
* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No
* If you could have any job you wanted what would it be? Interviewer/Reporter - Music/Sports
* Someone you wish were here: My Deceased Grandparents
* Piercings: Ears...used to have belly button.

* Do you do drugs: Hhmmm....
* Do you drink: Yes
* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: Garnier Frutris
* What are you most scared of: Regret
* What clothes do you sleep in: Nothing
* Who is the last person that called you: Hubby
* Who is the last person that you called: Bryan
* Where do you want to get married: Not a good subject right now
* Who do you really hate: No One
* Are you timely or always late: Usually About 5 Minutes Late
* Do you have a job: Yes
* Do you like being around people: Yes
* Are you for world peace: Absolutely
* Are you a health freak: No...I’ve got too many bad habits
* Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: Generally
* Do you want someone you don't have? No
* Are you lonely right now: Sometimes
* Ever afraid you'll never get married: N/A
* Do you want to get married: N/A
* Do you want kids? Yes

* Cried: No - Can you believe it?
* Bought Something: Many....Many....Many Christmas Presents
* Gotten Sick: No
* Sang: Yes
* Said I Love You: Yes
* Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: Yes
* Met someone: Yes
* Moved on: No
* Had A Serious Talk: Yes
* Missed Someone: Yes
* Hugged Someone: Yes
* Yelled at someone: Yes
* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: No

Out of Commission

Well, not really....but, I wish I was. Instead, I'm buried under about 10 feet of paperwork. Won't have time to post today....

Hope you all can survive without me! LOL

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Tag - Everybody Blame Squirm

Ok, so I got tagged by the Squirmster. I'm half lit from the game, but I'll try my best:

10 years ago...I was 10 years younger - just kidding...
I was working at the Public Defender's office....trying my best to get my (now hubby) to love me as much as I loved him....I was a good girl who never got in trouble......but I was also a pot head.

5 years ago...I was planning my wedding...this time in my life is too raw to talk about right now considering my personal circumstances.

This last year has been the hardest year of my anyone who reads my blog knows.

5 Yummy Things.....Spaghetti.....Days When I'm Happy.....The Beach.....Sex.....and......The Perfect Moment (if you've had one, I shouldn't have to explain).

5 Things I Know By Heart......Myself.....The feeling of accomplishment.....Feelings of guilt.....My Spiritual Self...My love for my family.

5 Things I'd Do If I Had Lots Of Money......Take care of my family....Take care of my friends....take care of all unwanted animals.....Start my own business....Relax.

5 Places I Escape To....Deserted Beach.....My Bed with Lots of Pillows and Blankets....My Grandmother's arms....The Lake.....My Blog.

5 Things I'd Never Wear.....Fur. That's all I have to say about that one.

5 Fave TV Shows.....SuperNatural.....Lost.....Sopranos.....Friends.....Extreme Home Makeover.

5 Things I Enjoy Doing.....Crosswords.....Catching a Buzz...Snuggling......Cooking.....Reading.

I am tagging my entire "Fave List".....I just got back from the bar.....I can barely type....and I don't want to you are all under fire...


Victory is Mine......

Well, the Cats pulled off a victory! Cats: 73 - Cards: 61

Mama is in heaven.....Baby!!!

Bryan - 10 shots of Tequilla....Jen - Lovin' Life!


For those who are interested: Cats: 39 - Cards: 24! It's my birthday - It's my birthday!

Anyway, I know that I posted earlier that I would be hammered, but Bryan is the one who is on the losing end of this stick.....5 shots of Tequilla so far......Sucka.....!!!

And...The Claws Are Out

Today is the "be all - end all" of sports in the Bluegrass State. My beloved University of Kentucky Wildcats take on the University of Louisville Cardinals. I'm sure that every state has their own rivalry too, but because Kentucky is mainly known for Basketball (as well as, horses and our rolling fields of blue grass - Yes! It's really blue!), it is a pretty heated situation on the day of the BIG GAME! Every bar in the State is packed with fans and if you see a car on any road during the game, something is seriously wrong!
First up on the menu today is Cardinal Stew
After a nice lunch, I think we'll do the coin toss and start the game
I love the smell of sweet victory!
I'm at work right now - but I'm going to watch the game up at Tam's afterwards. It's on at 2:00 p.m. and it's nationally televised, if anyone wants to watch and give Jen's team a serious Hoo-Rah!!!! I'm sure I'll be plastered by half-time. At every 2-minute increment, the losing team's fans have to do a shot. It can get pretty rowdy. Keep your fingers crossed!
Peace Out for Now - GO CATS!!!!
Sending Kentucky Blue Holiday Wishes your way!

Friday, December 16, 2005

O' Christmas Tree.....

Well kids...I finally got my tree up last night - what a sense of accomplishment! Whoo Hoo!
In the past, I always put two trees up, but this year I just wasn't into it - for obvious reasons.
There is a long-standing tradition in my family - St. Nick's Night. Each year, on this night, we each give one another a new ornament for our tree. It's something we have done for as long as I can remember.
Now, this can make for a lot of ornaments amassed over the years, in addition to the ones we each already have, but it's fun to hang the old ones and think of Christmas' past. Back in 2001, I also started putting a small American Flag in the top of my tree to honor those lost on 9/11.
Like I said above, I always have two trees. One is "Elegant" - white lights and matching ornaments; and the other is my "Fun" tree - multi-colored lights with all of my hand-made, funky, and sentimental ornaments. This tree always makes my living room feel more "homey" to me. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I hope you get it.
Since I'm having the blues this year, I decided to just go with my FUN tree. I was loopy by the time I got done and decided to take some pictures last night at roughly 1:30 a.m. I started acting stupid with my camera and these are what came out...Yes - I really know how to amuse myself. Anyway, here's what I came up with.
Awww....ain't she purty???
Decided to get wild with the black/white. I started to crop this one, when I noticed Kloie (my pup) in the bottom right of the picture. She's hard to see, but regardless, I couldn't cut her out! LOL
Wanted one with my flag showing.
From the Porch.
Weird lighting...
The dog jumped on me when I snapped this. Even though it's blurry - I dug it!
Anyhoo - happy Friday everybody!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

To Re-Fi or Not to Re-Fi

That is the question! Through my divorce, I am entitled to all of the equity built up in my house. I have decided to try and refinance it myself, instead of selling it outright. Now, here is where my dilemma lies. It will probably just about break me to keep it.
I know it would be an easy decision for alot of people - just sell it - keep the equity in savings - and buy another house at some later date. But, I don't want to start all over again. I'm 33 years old, I've lost my marriage, and I just want something to hang on to. Is that so bad?
Of course, I am in love with my house. I looked at about 25 before I found it, and I wanted it before I even went inside. That's how much it means to me. It needs a little work here and there, but nothing major. All the windows are new, the roof isn't that old, the yard is perfect and I have a HUGE screened in front porch, which I absolultely adore. I just don't want to let it go.
In making decisions like these, it is always wise to use your head and not your heart. But, as you all know, that is pretty much the exact opposite of how I handle things.
Any wise suggestions from the peanut gallery?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005


This is a little late considering it's Wednesday, but I had to share something from this weekend with you.
Even though I had to work this weekend, I went out for a few hours on Saturday night to decompress. One of the old "regulars" from Tam's opened his own bar back in March and some of us "TimTammer's" go there once in a while because he has live bands. Which, in my opinion, usually suck ass. Anyway, there was a band playing that Bryan and I hadn't heard of, so we decided to check it out. Their name was "4Way", which, of course, instantly grabbed my attention. Heh!
We walk in, grab a couple of drinks, and try to find a table. I was just excited to finally be able to sit down for a second.
I take a swig of my cocktail, light a cigarette, and ease back in my chair....and that's when I saw them....The band.
They were up on stage, tuning their instruments and doing a sound check....and they were 15 years old....16 maybe. I almost choked on my drink! Not that there's anything wrong with a garage, maybe. But, in a bar....on a Saturday night?
We just happened to pick the table right in front of one of their parents. Which I thought was humorous. I'm sitting there starting to wonder why God hates me so much....when they finally started playing. I couldn't speak. They were out of this world!
You know, growing up with my dad in a band and always being around music, I'm a pretty harsh critic. I don't give people props just because they can strum a guitar. I want to feel through the music that you love what you're doing. Does that make any sense?
Anyway, back to the teeny boppers.
Come to find out, they were all sophomores at one of our local Catholic High Schools. There were only three of them: the bass player, who also played keyboards; the drummer; and the guitar player, who was also the singer. They broke out with Ted Nugent, Rush, Led Zeppelin, Judas Priest, KISS.....I can't even remember who all they played....because I was in shock. I think the thing that got me more than their talent, was the genre of music they were playing. I mean, most kids their age probably don't even know who Rush is....let alone know the music and lyrics well enough to play it. I was very impressed.
To see 15 year olds play "Stranglehold" and not miss a beat is just something I NEVER thought I would see. I really think they will be something some day. Not only can they play the shit out of anything they tried, but they had great senses of humor. Some guy in the back of the room yelled out for them to play "System of the Down", to which the guitar player replied (with his hand on his hip): "Son, when I was your age....." he didn't get any farther because they whole place erupted in hysteria. Remember, he's only 15 years old. It was priceless.
The funniest part of the whole night was this lady that was sitting behind us at a table full of people. She was about half-blasted and announced that it was her 50th birthday! She then follows that by telling everyone that she can't believe she just turned 50 and she's rocking out to a bunch of 15 year olds. The whole place started rollin'.
Here's some pics of the Fab Three - they don't have much....just them and their instruments - but, honestly, they didn't need any fancy light show or anything....they were awesome - and I may be their newest Number One Fan!!!!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I'm Too Tired To Think of a Title

I've been so busy lately, as you all know. I haven't done anything around my house. I haven't done laundry, I haven't gone grocery shopping....I basically haven't done squat.
I did go Christmas shopping with my mom last night. We always have a good time when we hook up and I really needed some stress relief. But....I didn't get home until almost 11:30 p.m.
I don't think I've been home before 11:00 p.m. in almost three weeks - that's gotta stop -Jen's runnin' on empty.
I am starting to feel the pressure at work too. I am still the only one in my department, and it's getting to me because I will never catch up. I'm not being dramatic - it's a fact. It is humanly impossible for one person to run this department. The "higher-ups" aren't complaining or anything, because they know the situation, but that doesn't make it any easier on me. Especially with everything else going on.
I know this post sucks - but I just don't have the time right now to dedicate to anything more worthwhile. Maybe if my ass gets home before sunrise tonight, I'll be a more productive blogger.
Until then....I hope you all have a sexy day! XO

Monday, December 12, 2005

The Start of Another Looonnngggg Week

I figured if I started my post with this picture, more people might read it! LOL
I am going to be SUPER busy today, but wanted to jump on here first and put something up. I had a really good weekend (even though I had to work). My "down time" was nice and relaxing and I really needed that.
I met up with Hubby last night. He was supposed to come over and move some of his stuff out. He was really different this time. I think the sadness of our situation has finally hit him. I've been dealing with it for months, as you all know, but, I think he has been pushing it to the back of his mind. Anyway, long story short, nothing terrible happened. We talked awhile and cleared a few more loose ends up. We decided to just wait until after Christmas to deal with the rest of his stuff. That's better for me anyway. I've got alot of shopping, wrapping and general holiday stuff to take care of and I don't want to have to deal with that too!
Sorry about my boring ramblings. I hope to be back on later to post something more interesting. ;o)
Hope you all have a great day! XO

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Rat-A-Tat Tat....

Well, I'm sitting here at work and, of course, I couldn't resist the urge to post. Unfortunately, I don't have time to sit and read everyone's blogs today, because I would never get any work done. And, let's face it, I don't want to be here any longer than I have to.
Whenever I'm going through a HUGE life change, I have a bad habit of getting a tattoo. I am up to five and getting ready to go for my sixth. I have my own personal reasons for each one, and I always put them in places where I can show them if I choose to, or keep them hidden. My tattoos are really important to me, and each one tells a story of my biggest heartbreaks.
So, just for the sake of posting something today, I thought I would share some pics of my newest tattoos.
This is of "My Baby". (See Side-Bar). Some people may think It's ridiculous to get a tattoo of your dog. But, you know, what? She meant more to me than I can ever explain. Putting her to sleep was harder on me than what I'm going through right now. Her unconditional love got me through the hard times. The artist free-handed this off of a picture I brought him. It was my special touch to have a halo hanging off the "Z" in her name. I think he did an amazing job.

I just got these. They are the symbols for Faith and Hope and they go straight down the middle of my back. (OUCH!!). I just woke up one day and thought to myself, "The only way I'm going to get through this next phase of my life is to have Faith & Hope". No further explanation needed. ;o)

Friday, December 09, 2005

I Am All That!

First, I get a promotion. And then, lo and behold, I was informed today that I received "Employee of the Month" honors. Which, by the way, accompanies a nice little bonus!
I am all that and a bag of chips!

The Long Endless Road

My Dad called last night while I was driving home from work and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner. I really wasn't in the mood, but didn't want to disappoint, so I agreed.
From past posts, you should remember that I am a total Daddy's Girl! However, when the "shit hit the fan" with the hubby, my Dad took his side - at first. That really hurt my feelings, and resulted in a slight strain in our relationship. Needless to say, as of late, I haven't really let my family in on all of the things that have been going on with me.
On my way over to pick my Dad up, my mind started going 100 m.p.h. I knew that this wasn't just a "friendly" dinner - something had to be up. I don't mean that something always has to be wrong for my Dad to want to hook up for dinner - it just never happens that way.
I went and picked him up and we headed off to this fabulous Mexican place that is a family fave. There was a guy sitting on a stool in the middle of the restaurant, guitar in hand, strumming some of the most relaxing music. Add a few margaritas to the mix, and life was good - if even for a moment!
It took about a total of six minutes before he leans over the table, looks me square in the eyes and says, "Spill it". Of course, I immediately start crying. It seems that when I am in emotional turmoil and lean on my parents for support, I instantly revert back to being a child. I basically spilled my guts and told him about all the things that you guys already know. I also told him that I was having a hard time with the realization, at least in my mind, that I had let my parents down by failing in my marriage.
Dad sat and listened, made a few comments here and there, gave me some good advice, and soothed my pain a little bit. I feel alot better just knowing that it's all out there and I don't have to put up any pretenses with my family. Don't get me wrong - everything isn't all hunky dory with me - but I do feel like a few pounds have been lifted off my shoulders.
Hubby is coming by this weekend to move some of his stuff out of the house. I'm not looking forward to it at all. It's just another heart-wrenching moment that I don't want to face. I know that eventually my pain will subside and, that, at least for me, will probably take longer than most people. It's going to be a long endless road in the coming months.
Even though I knew all of this was coming - now that it's here - it's like starting from the beginning all over again.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Day The Music Died

I will never forget the day that John Lennon died. I was sitting in the living room with my Dad watching TV, when the show we were watching was interrupted and they broke the news. I sat and watched as tears started streaming down my Dad's face. It was the first time I had ever seen my him cry.
You have to understand that my Dad is a HUGE Beatles fan, which trait has been passed along to me. Music has always been a very large part of my upbringing.
The Beatles are why my Dad started playing the guitar. He taught himself how to play after hearing their first song on the radio, and has played every day since he first picked one up over 40 years ago, and his band plays some killer Beatles covers.
I just wanted to do a simple, yet heartfelt, "shout out" to John: the poet, the artist, and the amazingly complicated man, who will be forever missed.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

A Girl Can Always Dream!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

As I Live and Breathe

Whew! What a hectic 24 hours this has been - not to mention the entire year itself!

I've had several people comment about how open and candid I am in my writing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making a mistake by putting so much of myself out there. But you know what? That's me. I'm an open book. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I speak my mind, and I'm not ashamed of my life or who I am.

All of this recent chaos has kept me from writing the next part of the "Saga"...and now, I'm worried if I'll ever get to finish it. I have such deep emotions flowing in regards to my hubby right now that I don't even want to think about the past. It hurts too much. HE hurts me too much. The reason I started writing the "Saga" was because I needed to understand what went wrong with us and why I drifted way after giving him my heart and soul for 12 years. But as the months tick by and all of this shit keeps happening, it becomes clearer to me. Yet, I still feel the urge to share it with you. end the's what happened last night.
I come home and sit down at my computer. Hubby was at my house (remember, his daughter lives with me still. Weird, but true!) and out of nowhere he comes up behind me, leans over and puts his face right in mine. He starts calling me basically everything but a white woman. I can't believe he is this pissed off at me for wanting to wait an extra 30 days for our divorce so that I can get some medical stuff out of the way. What's the big fuckin' deal? It's not like we even have to see or speak to each other.
Now, I'm not trying to say that he has beat me in the past or anything, but there have been some physical moments. He's got a real problem with anger management. However, I've never really been scared of him...until the other night when he smashed my coffee table (see previous post). He used to have a really bad temper when I first met him, and over the years, I guess my sweet loving ways calmed him down. He never acted like this when we were first married. But since the incident that caused my marriage to fall apart, he's been really hateful. He says mean things to intentionally hurt me because he knows how soft-hearted I am, AND, he knows how to prey on my vulnerabilities.
Anyway, back to what happened.
He's in my face, literally screaming in my ear. I just sat there at the computer and ignored him. I don't like arguing, and, in my mind, my best defense is to show him that he doesn't bother me. Of course, after about three minutes of him screaming at me that he hated my guts, that I'm a whore and a bitch, and pouncing on my already-low self-esteem, among numerous other things, I couldn't take it anymore. (Even when I'm as pissed off as I can possibly be, I NEVER intentionally try to hurt him or or treat him that way. It's just not who I am. But I can only take so much.) I jumped up and got in his face and he didn't move an inch. I know it wasn't the wisest thing to do. But, I wasn't trying to provoke him. I just wanted him to know that he wasn't going to push me around, figuratively speaking. Of course, he pushed be back and I got up in his face again. By this time, I'm bawling like an idiot and he already knew he'd won. Before I knew what came over me, I slapped the shit out of him. I have NEVER done that to anyone, and, of course, being my normal self, I feel guilty for doing so. I should never let someone get to me so bad that I resort to physical violence. But, I'm tired of him playing with my head, my emotions, and most importantly, my heart. It's just too much. WAY too much!
I could go on and on about everything that was said after that, but, to make a long story short, the night ended with me crying my little heart out and getting no sleep.
Before you all break out the lynch mob, and I'm not defending him, BUT, let me finish the next few chapters of my "Saga", and then, hopefully, some of you will have a better understanding of why I even give him the time of day. Especially, when I have someone in my life as wonderful as Bryan. My relationship with my hubby is a very complex thing....and I hope to enlighten you all as to how it evolved.
I know this post is a rambling mess, but I wanted to get it all out, and my thoughts and words were flowing so fast, I just typed them as they came to me. Hope you make some sense of it!

I've Had It!

I got home from work last night and got into a HUGE fight with the soon-to-be-ex. I can't even go into details right now. Needless to say, I got about an hour of sleep and I feel like shit.
I'm going to take the afternoon off. Sorry guys. I just can't do it today!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Jen's Roller-Coaster Day!

So, for those of you who haven't read my first two posts today - read those first.

As you know, my day started off great. I was in a good mood and feeling pretty happy. Until hubby called and got into his normal "shit-head" mode. I was feeling pretty low after that.
But, THEN, I get called into my boss' office and told to shut the door. I walked into the room, face still wet from bawling on the phone with asshole, when she tells me to sit down. Before I even got over to the chair, the senior partner of the firm comes in and sits down across from me. I'm thinking, "Great, now what?"
Turns out....I got promoted! I'm the new Head Bankruptcy Paralegal. Hell Yeah! Since I've been flying solo for the last month and a half, they said that they had really noticed how much I've "stepped up to the plate" and really dove into my responsibilities. I also got nominated for Employee of the Month by six different people. (It comes with some pretty good perks!)
I guess someone upstairs loves me. It's funny how one day can bring out so many different emotions.
For now, at least, Jen's happy again!

Son of a B**CH

For those of you with virgin ears - don't read any further because I'm about to let it all all out! Hope I don't offend anyone!

Hubby just called me and ripped my head off. Why in the fuck does he do this to me when I'm at work? I had called my lawyer last week and asked to have our divorce put on hold until the end of January so that I could take care of some dental and vision appointments. I have my insurance through his work and my firm doesn't offer vision or dental insurance. I'm looking at about a $3,000.00 dental bill, even with the insurance.
Apparently, his attorney just called him and told him what I was asking for.....and he went off on me.
What is this hold that he has over me? Why does he always make me cry? Why do I let it bother me? He told me that he would rather put a bullet in his head than stay with me! Am I that bad of a person? Or is he just saying these things to hurt me? Either way, it does hurt and my good mood has been destroyed. Fuck Him! Fuck Him! Fuck Him!

I have given him my heart and soul for 12 years and always stood by him when he was acting like an asshole. I guess part of me is still doing that. Even though I have someone in my life who loves me like I love(d) my husband. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve to be loved like that since it is partially my fault that my marriage is ending. I don't know.

But I do know one thing....I'm sick and tired of thinking about it, and I'm sick and tired of caring about it.

I'm Alive

Well, I made it through the X-Mas party alive....AND....I didn't make an ass of myself. That's always a plus! I had a great time and a wonderful weekend.
Hip Hip Hooray! Jen's in a good mood today!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Neo...I'm Lonely

Neo: For some reason, I can't comment on your blog. I've tried for over an hour! On each one of your posts, it brings up the same word verification letters and won't take what I submit.

Anyway....I just wanted you to know that. Shit!!!!

Tis the Season

I'm on my way out the door, but it would have driven me nuts if I didn't post SOMETHING today.

I'm heading to my office Christmas party. My firm rented out the swankiest "private club" in town. It's on the top floor of our second tallest building and the view is out of this world. Not to mention the catered food and OPEN BAR!
I just hope that I'm not the "one". You know, the one who always gets hammered at the Christmas party and makes a complete ass of theirselves? I'll leave that to the attorneys. LOL
I'm going to take tons of pics, so I'll try and post those tomorrow.
P.S. Neo....I have to take a raincheck on Battle II. I was called at home today and informed that I have to work tomorrow. Let's plan for next Saturday.

Friday, December 02, 2005

In Honor of My Main Man, Neo

After reading Neo's posts today and yesterday regarding Bird Flu, I just had to post this:

It came in an email from a good friend of mine.

Just so you're prepared! - PLEASE TAKE NOTE.................

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of the bird flu.

If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints

6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield

Please take every precaution to avoid sympton #6.

I Should Be In Bed...

Well, it's 1:00 a.m., and here I sit. Staring at my computer screen. Why can't I sleep? My eyes are tired, my body is tired, but my mind is going 100 miles an hour! I am so gonna regret this in about five hours when my alarm clock goes off!

Whose in on bets that I'm late for work?

I am! LOL

My dog is going ballistic right now. She always does this when it gets late and I'm still up. She looks at me like, "What is your problem? Don't you know it's nap time?" She cracks me up! She keeps trying to jump in my lap and nose her way under my hands while I type. As a matter of fact, right now - she's licking my face and it's very hard to...jkajdf akd kjdfk adjdf jfJ%I)($.....type. She's got the greatest personality. She's my snuggle buddy and my best friend. Shit, I need somebody to sleep with at night! ;o)
Sorry about the incoherent ramblings....I guess I am tired enough to go to bed.
Sweet Dreams Everybody! XOXO

Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Wicked Witch Is Dead...

I shouldn't have titled this post that way, because she wasn't wicked or a witch, but, anyway....the 45 year old "idiot" quit today. She told my boss that she was "in over her head". What an understatement! So, even though I'm all alone again to do the work of two people, at least I don't have her in my way, making my job even harder. BIG SIGH!

Ho Ho Yum!!!

If Santa looks like this, I promise to be a good girl this year!

I could sit on his lap ALL day!

I Can't Sleep

Well here I sit. It's almost midnight and I'm wide awake. I hate when I do this. I'm a total night owl! I never want to go to sleep, AND, I definitely never want to wake up in the morning.
Then at about 2:30 p.m. I get super tired at work and SWEAR that I'm gonna take a nap when I get home. Who am I kidding? By the time I get home, I'm ready to GO!
Here's to another sleepless night and a shitty, drag-ass morning to look forward to. Hope all my e-buddies out there are sleeping well!