Friday, December 09, 2005

The Long Endless Road

My Dad called last night while I was driving home from work and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner. I really wasn't in the mood, but didn't want to disappoint, so I agreed.
From past posts, you should remember that I am a total Daddy's Girl! However, when the "shit hit the fan" with the hubby, my Dad took his side - at first. That really hurt my feelings, and resulted in a slight strain in our relationship. Needless to say, as of late, I haven't really let my family in on all of the things that have been going on with me.
On my way over to pick my Dad up, my mind started going 100 m.p.h. I knew that this wasn't just a "friendly" dinner - something had to be up. I don't mean that something always has to be wrong for my Dad to want to hook up for dinner - it just never happens that way.
I went and picked him up and we headed off to this fabulous Mexican place that is a family fave. There was a guy sitting on a stool in the middle of the restaurant, guitar in hand, strumming some of the most relaxing music. Add a few margaritas to the mix, and life was good - if even for a moment!
It took about a total of six minutes before he leans over the table, looks me square in the eyes and says, "Spill it". Of course, I immediately start crying. It seems that when I am in emotional turmoil and lean on my parents for support, I instantly revert back to being a child. I basically spilled my guts and told him about all the things that you guys already know. I also told him that I was having a hard time with the realization, at least in my mind, that I had let my parents down by failing in my marriage.
Dad sat and listened, made a few comments here and there, gave me some good advice, and soothed my pain a little bit. I feel alot better just knowing that it's all out there and I don't have to put up any pretenses with my family. Don't get me wrong - everything isn't all hunky dory with me - but I do feel like a few pounds have been lifted off my shoulders.
Hubby is coming by this weekend to move some of his stuff out of the house. I'm not looking forward to it at all. It's just another heart-wrenching moment that I don't want to face. I know that eventually my pain will subside and, that, at least for me, will probably take longer than most people. It's going to be a long endless road in the coming months.
Even though I knew all of this was coming - now that it's here - it's like starting from the beginning all over again.


Blogger SkyeBlue2U Opined...

Whpewww, long sigh-------, you had me worried at first. I'm glad you and your Dad were able to talk. You should ask someone to be there when he comes to pick up some stuff. Please don't put yourself in a situation where you have to deal with him 1on1. Out here they have a thing called a friendly something where a cop stands by so neither party feels awkward.

December 09, 2005 1:37 PM  
Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

Cute, you said "hunky dory" I love it! I am with you on the awkward part. It is so easy when it is all in your head and you're contemplating different options but when the rubber hits the road and you are THERE doing it your heart finds itself somewhere below your gut and your feeling like it is all your fault when it isnt. Love ya girl and know I am here for you whenever you need a chat.

December 09, 2005 1:56 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Sag Sis: Yeah - we have that here too. I was thinking about not being there at all. We've been together a long time. And even though we are going through all of this, deep down, neither one of us would "screw" the other. I trust that he wouldn't take anything he wasn't supposed to. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it yet. I'll keep ya posted.

Twisty: I couldn't have said it better myself. Love Ya Too!

December 09, 2005 2:02 PM  
Blogger cityman05 Opined...

Jen, I've had to start over three times in my life. Each time I was scared to death, but I got just a little bit farther in life each time.

I know you are afraid of what is to come, but just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and I know it is all going to be alright.

When you have good friends and God by your side everything will always be alright, even when it is not alright.

have a good weekend, buddy.


December 09, 2005 6:05 PM  
Blogger Snaggle Tooth Opined...

Good for you able to tell dad without him critisizing too much... soundz like ya do it to yourself already. Better not to keep it all in, sayin it out loud helps ya get over it, we hope!

December 10, 2005 2:18 AM  
Blogger alannajoy Opined...

Doesn't it feel ten times better when you get something off your chest? Even if nothing happens and all you are doing is confiding in someone, I feel it can do wonders.
Hang in their JJ and remember how much you still have to gain...

December 10, 2005 10:59 AM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Kippy: Thanks, as always, for cheering me up. You have such a way about you. ;o)

Snags: Yeah - it meant alot to me for my Dad to be understanding this time, instead of judgmental.

Lan: I'm hangin' girl! Even if it by the skin of my teeth!!!

December 10, 2005 2:00 PM  
Blogger April Opined...

Glad your dad was there for you and you had a few moments to relax(and drink, lol). I'm like that too with my mom. She is always there for me and when I'm sick or down I seem to revert to the sniveling child stage and all I do is cry about how I want my mommy and I'll say I just want my mommy. I haven't read up yet, but hopefully things didn't go too badly with the assclown coming by. It's too late to suggest going out and shopping or seeing a movie when he comes by to avoid any crap he might give you.

December 12, 2005 1:13 AM  

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