Monday, December 05, 2005

Son of a B**CH

For those of you with virgin ears - don't read any further because I'm about to let it all all out! Hope I don't offend anyone!

Hubby just called me and ripped my head off. Why in the fuck does he do this to me when I'm at work? I had called my lawyer last week and asked to have our divorce put on hold until the end of January so that I could take care of some dental and vision appointments. I have my insurance through his work and my firm doesn't offer vision or dental insurance. I'm looking at about a $3,000.00 dental bill, even with the insurance.
Apparently, his attorney just called him and told him what I was asking for.....and he went off on me.
What is this hold that he has over me? Why does he always make me cry? Why do I let it bother me? He told me that he would rather put a bullet in his head than stay with me! Am I that bad of a person? Or is he just saying these things to hurt me? Either way, it does hurt and my good mood has been destroyed. Fuck Him! Fuck Him! Fuck Him!

I have given him my heart and soul for 12 years and always stood by him when he was acting like an asshole. I guess part of me is still doing that. Even though I have someone in my life who loves me like I love(d) my husband. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve to be loved like that since it is partially my fault that my marriage is ending. I don't know.

But I do know one thing....I'm sick and tired of thinking about it, and I'm sick and tired of caring about it.

17 Comments:

Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

Hugs -n- Kisses from across state lines. I know it doesnt help but it's the best I can do. You know where I am and how to get me if you need. You weren't asking for the unreasonable and he was just trying to hurt you. Let it roll off your back, he'll be out of your way more and more as each day goes by.

-Twisterdoodles

December 05, 2005 12:04 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Thanks for the sweet words Twisty. Saying it and doing it are two different things, but I'm trying. It will be better for me when I don't have to deal with him anymore. Until then, I'm just doing the best that I can.

December 05, 2005 12:14 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -Stop right now, and take a deep breath. Don't let that pond monkey get the better of you. You do what you gotta do, and let the lawyers fight it out. The person he is now isn't the person you met.

Take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place. You know here I am to if you need to vent.

*huggerz*

December 05, 2005 12:26 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Neo: Thanks so much. I'm trying to calm down. I'm just such an emotional and passionate person and I don't feel things half way. It's always balls to the wall with me.

December 05, 2005 12:32 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -I understand. It's a part of the letting go that gets to you. You'll never be able to understand why things went wrong. And in the process you tear yourself apart.

Understand that it isn't your fault alone. Things happen for reason. And even when you think you know why, you still have to be prepared to live on your own. On YOUR terms, and on YOUR merits.

Keep your head up my friend. The answer are coming.

December 05, 2005 12:39 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Neo: I couldn't have said it better myself - except for the typo in the last sentence. LOL

Just kidding - I really do appreciate your thoughtfulness!

XO

December 05, 2005 12:51 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -Hey now girl cut me a break, it only took me 2 hours to get my first post up. (Get your mind out of the gutter) And it's Monday. Neo's tired and cranky!

December 05, 2005 1:02 PM  
Blogger SkyeBlue2U Opined...

If I had long enough arms I'd hug you but then I'd look pretty funny... 2017 mile long arms.(Think of all the refrigators I coud raid). I'm trying to get you to Laugh. My Momma once told me kill 'em with kindness. Nothing fustrates 'em more than not being able to get to you. xox's,Skye

December 05, 2005 1:54 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Neo: OK, OK. I'll give you a break today. (And, my mind is always in the gutter).

Sag Sis: Thanks so much. AND, you did make me laugh. I really needed that today. XO

December 05, 2005 2:02 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -PS JBI is beating you on the counter again, eat your heart out girl!

Neo does the happy dance

December 05, 2005 2:13 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

*Jen whacks Neo upside his head...and walks off smiling to herself*

December 05, 2005 2:19 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Neo lays bleeding and twitching on the floor

December 05, 2005 2:26 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Damn...I didn't hit you that hard, Sissy Boy!

December 05, 2005 2:34 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -I got your sissy boy. Swinging baby, swinging!

December 05, 2005 4:25 PM  
Blogger alannajoy Opined...

JJ how aweful! He sounds like such an insensitive prick! I can totally understand your feelings about almost not feeling like you deserve happiness due to the reasons you've mentioned. I just hope you move past those ideas and realize how important it is for you to be happy and content, and deserve every bit of love and kindness as any other decent sweet gal out there!
Thinkin of ya babe!
alannajoy

December 05, 2005 11:54 PM  
Blogger April Opined...

Amen sista. Lordy, don't you wish you could just run away from it all?? But you can't and that trapped feeling makes it even worse. I'm paddling up shit creek using my hands in the same boat you are. We've got to be kindred spirits or something. I'm sorry he's being an ass. The whole time thing again. PJ's dad still has that control over me. I should have long since given up on him by now but I don't and always get worked up and soooooo frustrated and angry and sad when he does exactly what I should expect him to do and that is nothing. And then I feel bad about myself that he has that much power over me and my life. Anyway, I'm rambling on your thread sooo (((HUGS)))

December 06, 2005 12:39 AM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Lan & April: Thanks guys! This is just such a hard time for me. And right when I think I'm feeling better about things, he always has a way to bring me down. I just don't understand it.

I mean, I know he's hurting also. But I am too, and I don't intentionally try to hurt him and say mean things to him. Maybe it's just a guy thing. LOL

Hey - it's either laugh or cry!

December 06, 2005 9:45 AM  

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