Wednesday, November 07, 2007

HNT 11.08.07

The countdown to my heartbreak has begun. How do you prepare for something that you know is going to change your life….that you know is going to tear you down…..that you know will forever haunt you as the one thing you could have avoided, but didn’t?
I’ve always been a free spirit. Never afraid to tell people how I feel….to act on my feelings….to jump right into anything…..that is what makes me who I am. But, sometimes I get to the point where I am tired of always being the one left behind. I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.

Here in a few months , “LC” will begin the house-hunting process. I am left in limbo as to what I should do from there. If I wait until he moves out to put my house up for sale, it could take months, or even years, to sell it. If I put it up now and sell it – and he hasn’t found a house yet – then what would he do? Of course, I know that sounds ridiculous. Why in the hell should I worry what he would do – he’s the one moving out? Let him worry about it….and I will worry about me. But, that’s just not who I am.

He’s made it PAINFULLY clear to me that he doesn’t like feeling married. He is extremely independent and basically he wants the relationship his way. Why is it taking me so long to realize that this is not the kind of relationship I want? And, even though I’m realizing it….why am I still wanting to be a part of it? Because I love him. It’s really that simple. God, sometimes I feel like the biggest fuckin’ idiot!




16 Comments:

Blogger Osbasso Opined...

Sorry you're going through this, but I think that even you realize that you can't go on the way that you have been. My two cents.

Oh, and another two cents--don't wait on the house selling. You don't have to be the martyr all the time.

(((J)))

November 08, 2007 11:14 AM  
Blogger TK Kerouac Opined...

I hear ya, love sick puppy

Women do this all the time, my free spirit self included
except this time I wouldnt move in with him
wisdom sometimes comes with age

YOU HEAR WHAT THEY ARE SAYING...BUT WON'T LET IT SINK IN.

You need someone thats going to love you, make you feel safe, be your best friend,
someone who's arms ache for you when your not around...

He can't give you what you need

Cry for awhile....
Then put your house up for sale
It will bring you closer to eventually finding exactly what it is your really need and want.

Hugs

November 08, 2007 11:27 AM  
Blogger Keyser Soze Opined...

I'm with Os. Sorry you have to go through this bue sell the house and bail. You have your own life to live. You have our love and support. I always thought you were the greatest. You look beautiful too, even in your sadness. HHNT!

November 08, 2007 11:28 AM  
Blogger Professor Fate Opined...

I think I have said this before. Just becuase you love someone doesn't mean you get to spend the rest of your life with him. He is missing a couple the key relationship "ingredients" he is not emotionally available (for whatever reason) and the two you are at different places in your life. That sucks, but that is the reality.

If you can't keep the house without him, you have to put it on the market now. That way you can better "afford" the time it may take to sell. If it sells before he is ready to go, he'll need to accelerate his plans. Just tell him upfront what is happening and why it is happening. Don't leave him to the wolves but don't bend over backwards with kindness just to screw yourself either.

November 08, 2007 11:31 AM  
Blogger Jason Opined...

nice photros happy hnt

November 08, 2007 11:45 AM  
Blogger Zoely Opined...

sending you big good love...i'm sorry you're having a hard time. if it's any consolation, you look great.
and imho? sell the house. you don't have to change who you are essentially but you do have to take care of yourself...you can't consider him at your own expense.
over at another site, there is this quote: "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

November 08, 2007 12:12 PM  
Anonymous badbadgirl Opined...

I'm sorry honey. My heart goes to you

November 08, 2007 12:20 PM  
Blogger Wiwille Opined...

Poor kid, but you'll do the right thing in the end for the both of you. I'm confident in that.

November 08, 2007 1:20 PM  
Blogger Blissfully Wed Opined...

I'm rooting for you here. I hope you get your happiness soon.

As for your skin, I love it.

As for your Wildcats, Vandy's gonna kick some ass this Saturday. (Hopefully not their own asses.)

Go Dores!

November 08, 2007 1:51 PM  
Blogger SoCal Sal Opined...

Long time no see. My loss!

HHNT

November 08, 2007 7:30 PM  
Blogger Hollz Opined...

Wow.. I feel for you.. All i can say is Im so sorry your going through this.. Time heals all wounds (eventually)

Keep your head up Hun...

HHNT!

P.s You look stunning in those pics, I love the ink on your back

November 08, 2007 8:49 PM  
Blogger Inkedweezel Opined...

I don't think I could add more thoughtful or insiteful advice than all the previous ones. Keep a stiff upper...and all that.

BTW....the picture of your back is AMAZING! ;)

November 09, 2007 1:22 PM  
Blogger ~Tim Opined...

You're not an idiot, just human.

November 09, 2007 7:14 PM  
Blogger Em Opined...

Very sexy photos...but so sorry to hear about the sadness in your life.

November 09, 2007 7:33 PM  
Anonymous jsull Opined...

sorry you are having a bad time. You will make it tho, I just know you will.
pics are awesome
your body is absolutely crazy sexy
js

November 11, 2007 11:16 AM  
Blogger TUG Opined...

Wow! I'm right there with you. It really does suck big time when you know it is coming. I keep trying to ignore it, but somehow it finds a way back to me.

Big hugs!!!

November 14, 2007 10:35 PM  

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