Friday, March 31, 2006

Joke of The Day

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before the Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's a particular reason why she should go to Heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into the toilet, and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turn me down. She simply gargles and she gets in. Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry Dolly, " says the Angel, "but in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday - 03.30.06

I love how this one came out...not really sure why....I just like it. Maybe it's because my hair looks so good! LOL

If you look real close, you can see the latest edition to my back "art". It's not a new tattoo, it's my new scar from my melanoma procedure. Hopefully, it will fade a little bit over time.

Anyway, I hope you all have a wickedly nekkid day!

XO - Peace and Tons O' Love!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

My Recurring Nightmare

It's never fun to have to examine yourself. It's a nightmare when someone tries to do it for you.
This past year has been nothing but constant examination of myself, my relationships, and everything in between. I feel like I've gotten nowhere.
For my new readers, you can catch up by reading my "Chapters" listed in my sidebar. [Side note: I know I've got some serious writing to do to catch up to the present.]
Being in the middle of a divorce and beginning a new relationship was something I should have ran from. But I couldn't run because that new "relationship" was one of the reasons why my marriage began to unravel. Call it an "emotional affair", call it whatever you want, but there was no running from it.
Everything in the beginning was so easy. That's one of the greatest things about a relationship. If it's easy and comfortable, you can't go wrong. Can you? The answer is "Yes". If you are both on two different pages, it can be devastating. Everyone we know kept telling us we didn't know what we were getting into. Telling me that I should NEVER jump into another relationship so fast. Did we listen? The answer is "No". And here we are.
From Bryan's perspective, I brought everything to his life that he'd never had before. So, to him, this was the greatest period of his life. From my perspective, I was dealing with a broken marriage, guilt, trying to figure out what to do with my house, dealing with my family's and friends' reactions, my step-daughter, and a myriad of other issues. It's hard for Bryan to understand that while he was on Cloud 9, I was dying inside. Did he bring me comfort and love me with everything he had? Yes. But I wasn't and AM NOT ready for things to be as serious as he is. Do I want to start a new relationship with anyone else? No. I just want to find ME again. I want to go out or stay at home, when I want to. I want to be able to go out with my girlfriends or visit my parents, or whatever I feel like doing without having to answer to anyone. I've never had that before and I want it. It's just that I've never been single. EVER! But in order to have that, I have to take a break from Bryan and all the people I've called "friend" for more than a year.
Is that as cold-hearted as it feels like it is? Do I want to do it? Of course not. I'm just worried that I'm never going to get anywhere unless I change something. It's been a year and I'm still in the same place I was when it began. Obviously, I'm not doing something right.
The worst thing about all of this, is that I have never lied to Bryan or misled him in any way. Sometimes, I don't think he listens to what I'm saying - or he doesn't want to hear it. Or maybe he thinks it's a phase and it will go away. It's not going to go away. He's already told me that he wants to have kids with me and grow old together. I'm not saying that I don't want those things. I'm just not ready for them right now. My divorce isn't even final yet. During this last year, I've done nothing but spend time with him and his family. Maybe, I had the rare occasion to go to my parents' house or something, but I just dove straight into his life. The same thing I did with my husband. Why do I keep doing that? Why can't I find a perfect balance between ME and my relationships?
Because I have started to pull back a little bit over the past few months, everyone thinks I'm being a bitch when I want to hang out with my sister or go see my dad's band play, or just stay at home and be by myself. That I'm hurting Bryan. All of his friends (who I thought were mine too) are telling him to walk away from me. I'm not doing anything intentional to hurt Bryan, I'm just lost and confused. The sad thing is that I will always be the "bad guy" when it comes to these people. I could be with Bryan for 10 years, and if it didn't work out, it would be my fault because Bryan is such a great guy. Even though it took me months to "win" these people over, I will always be the one having to prove myself.
Bryan told me on our vacation that I was the most cold, unloving person he had ever met.
That rocked me to my core and I will NEVER forget it. I've had people say alot of things about me, but never that. I am the most open, loving, caring and giving person I know. I'm sorry that he feels that way. That he can't stand in my shoes for five minutes and realize that all of these things going on are bigger than him. I'm sorry that when he's upset or depressed, he drinks himself into a coma. I'm sorry that when he says that maybe he needs time to get back to his old self too, that he doesn't seize the opportunity, but instead hangs out at the bar. Or when he says alot of other things that he's going to do, but never does.
I'm sorry that I feel guilty for causing all of this. I'm sorry I'm lost and confused. I'm sorry that I let my family, my friends and myself down. I'm sorry that I'm unintentionally hurting him. I'm sorry that I'm a cold, frigid bitch with no feelings. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm fuckin' sorry.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Tuesday's Post #2, By Special Request

My "soulmate", Twisty, requested that I re-post this picture. And just because I aim to please, here it is!!
It was taken by my five year-old niece, and it's one of my favorites....and I guess, his too! LOL

Melly Monster & Solutions To Life's Problems

First and foremost, here's a picture of Melly that I hijacked from my sister. I just fell in love with it....and had to have it! She's posing with her new fish. I swear, I love her so much, I could just cry!

Second: I'm sure you've all seen the "tips" below, but they just hit home to me right now and I wanted to share the wealth, so to speak.

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2. Marry a person you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

3. Never believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

4. When you say, "I Love You", mean it.

5. When you say, "I'm Sorry", look the person in the eye.

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

7. Believe in love at first sight.

8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.

12. Talk slowly, but think quickly.

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. Say "Bless You" when someones sneezes.

16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

17. Remember the three "R's": Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all of your actions.

18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20. Smile when answering the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.

21. Spend some time alone.

Hope you all have a deliciously juicy day!!!

Jen - XO

Monday, March 27, 2006


Man, I sure do wish the work week would go by as fast as the weekend does. It seems like I just left this hell hole! Oh least I have a job, right?

The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:

You're a Siamese twin.

Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.

You're not.

He has a date coming over tonight.

You only have one ass.

Just could always be worse!

Peace and Love......Jen. XO

Friday, March 24, 2006



If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, You would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00. Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

I call it the: 401-Keg Plan

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday - 03.23.06

I had to take this in the bathroom at work. Thank God nobody walked in! LOL

Happy HNT to everyone!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Friends....Good Ones

Are you tired of all those sissy friendship poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1. When you are sad -I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you get better. I don't want what you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

What is it that they say about "TRUE" friends??? They aren't the ones that bail you out of jail. They are the ones that help you hide the body.
(I just wish I could figure out who my "true" friends are.) I'm having a really tough time with that right now.....and it's pretty f**kin' lonely.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Yep....I Said It....

No offense to any of my male readers - I just saw it.....and I liked it!!!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Happy Monday

It's just been one of those days (or weeks, if you want me to go back that far)! I've been sick as a dog since I've been home. I hope I didn't catch a parasite or jungle fever or something while I was in the wonderfully fabulous Dominican Republic. [Note the sarcastic undertone there]. My bossed is pissed at me because of the time I missed from work, Bryan is still depressed, (I haven't seen him since we got back last week), and my beloved Cats fell in the second round of the NCAA tourney yesterday. Damn it!!!
Hopefully, I will have something more positive to post tomorrow. I hope you are all having a great day! XO
P.S. Have I told you guys how happy I am to be home????

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Punta Cana, Vacation Express and Falcon Airlines Can All Kiss My Ass

Monday the 6th: Both flights were pretty uneventful. Got to the Punta Cana airport around 3:00 p.m. Got off the plane, got my luggage, boarded a bus for a 30 minute bus ride to the "resort". Checked in and went to my room around 4:30 p.m. The first thing I noticed about the room was that my "gorgeous" view was of the parking lot. Wonderful!!! The bed was rock hard including two, one inch thick, pillows. Nice!!!! Started checking out the drawers and cabinets, until one of the cabinet doors fell off when I opened it. Remember....this is supposed to be a FIVE STAR resort. Changed clothes and went to my first of many TERRIBLE dinners. Finally made it down to check out the beach - after dark.
Tuesday the 7th: Got up and went straight to the beach, made Bryan tag along. He doesn't like the sun or the water, but he went anyway. That lasted for about an hour before we decided to go eat the first of many TERRIBLE lunches. I went back down to the beach and he sat by the pool drinking with some of the others that came with us. We all met back up later for another experiment, or dinner, and then sat outside and had a few drinks. Bryan and I decided to try out the casino and had a pretty good time. This is also the day I realized that I left my birth control at home. And as most ladies know....if you skip your pills...your monthly buddy comes to visit a little early. Figures.
Wednesday the 8th: Spent the entire day at the beach by myself. By this time Bryan is absolutely miserable....getting eaten alive by bugs and is just all around depressed. The girls and I decided to walk to a beach market to see what kind of deals we could find. It turned out being a two mile walk.....which we weren't expecting.....and the vendors were WAY too agressive. It was almost scary.
Thursday the 9th: Went to the beach again - by myself - then met the girls by the pool. Bryan is barely speaking to me at this point. He had "high hopes" for this vacation and we were on two totally different pages. We got into a huge fight and didn't speak the rest of the night.

Friday the 10th: Checked out at 12:00 p.m. Dragged my luggage to board a bus at 1:15 p.m. to arrive at the airport for a 4:25 p.m. flight. We had barely gotten through customs when they started calling the "FINAL" boarding call for our flight. WTF???? We were going to leave an hour early. We sat on the tarmac for close to two hours before taking off at approximately 5:25 p.m., an hour late. 15 minutes into the flight, the plane veered hard to the right and the plane lost cabin pressure and was heading straight down at a very fast pace, lights blinking, alarms going off. Bryan and I were sitting right next to the wing and when we looked out we saw fuel spewing from the wing. This is the first and only time I have geniunely feared for my life. All I could think about was that I was all alone, with no one from my family with me. I didn't want to die this way. The plane finally leveled out and the pilot came on the intercom stating that there was some kind of equipment failure and that we had to dump fuel in order to turn around and safely land. Once we were on the ground, one of the attendants said, "be very thankful that we are on the ground". We were escorted off the plane and taken to the terminal, where we sat for two hours while they attempted to "fix" the death plane. I sat there completely hysterical until someone offered me a Xanax, which I took....and I don't take pills. At approximately 8:30 p.m., we were told to collect our luggage. I toted my bags AGAIN to a bus where all 140+ of us were bused AGAIN to a resort, where we were met by a Vacation Express representative. We did not receive our rooms until 11:00 p.m., at which time I laid down and passed out. That pill kicked my ass....and I'm sure this was a blessing.
Saturday the 11th: The rep for Vacation Express told us the night before that we were going to have a meeting at 10:00 a.m. to inform us about what was going on. In short, we were told that, "We promise you that you will not have to be on the same plane. The flight crew will not even get on the plane. Another plane (a Pan Am plane) is on the way. You will have priority clearance at the airport (no security/customs), priority take off (before Flight 222 also heading to Sanford) and a rep would be with us all of the way until we took off." So....we had to check out at 12:00 p.m., lug our bags around AGAIN, board a bus AGAIN, and take off at 3:15 p.m. We arrived at the airport at 2:00 p.m., were not allowed to skip customs or any other checkpoint, had no rep there to tell us what to do. Remember, none of us had any boarding passes or any information. We had no idea if they had connecting flights lined up for us....we were all totally clueless. This obviously upset everyone immensely. We sat in the terminal for another two hours, when at 3:30 p.m., we were told our Pan Am had just landed and needed to be fueled. Boarding would begin within 30 minutes. We sat in the terminal for ANOTHER hour and a half - Flight 222 left without delay, nobody from our flight was on it. At 5:00 p.m., rumors started to spread that we would be taking the same plane (original plane - Falcon Air "Alicia"). Our rep was nowhere to be found. We had her paged at least three times and everyone had her wireless number. She didn't respond to the pages or calls to her phone. At 6:00 p.m., it was confirmed that we would be taking the Falcon Air plane. Various passengers made attempts to call the FAA, the US Embassy in the Domincan and the Vacation Express headquarters in Atlanta. No one was successful in getting someone to not allow them to force us onto the same plane.
Remember, we were promised a different plane and we would not go back on to the Falcon Air plane - to further our trepidation about the worthiness of the Falcon Air "Alicia" plane, we heard that an entire Vacation Express vacation was cancelled out of Louisville a few weeks earlier because the plane was deemed unworthy to fly. Nineteen of the passengers with us were the ones that had their vacation cancelled due to this same plane. At no point during the day did any airport personnel or Vacation Express people try to get us on another flight - a USA 3000 plane had a direct flight to Cincinnati that was half full. They would have only charged us $150 per person for the flight.
The death plane began loading at 7:00 p.m. I was a total wreck....and I wasn't the only one. There were grown men actually crying. Fourteen people refused to get on the plane. I didn't want to take it....but what choice did I have???? I didn't want to be stuck there. After we got on the plane, we had to wait another hour and a half while they retrieved the luggage from the plane of the passengers that refused to fly. The captain stood out on the tarmac desperately trying to get them to board. Telling them how safe the plane was. By this time, I was feeling a little better - I'd taken another Xanax. The captain gets on the intercom and tells us that the plane is safe to fly. They had flown in parts from the States to repair it earlier that day. WTF???? They never intended to give us another plane. The captain also said that he had already taken the plane up twice for testing. WTF????
Many pieces of luggage were ripped and damaged - the airport personnel were throwing all of the luggage from the hull to the tarmac with no regard for possible damage. They were obviously upset that they had to retrieve a small percentage of the luggage. At 8:45 p.m., we start down the runway and I'm praying harder than I've ever prayed. The captain comes on the intercom and says that the cabin lights need to be dimmed for takeoff, but we can turn on the reading lights above our heads. Upon accelleration, the cabin started filling up with smoke and we never even made it off the ground. So we get loaded onto a bus from the tarmac and get taken back to the terminal. Almost every one on the bus is in tears....thinking how we narrowly escaped death again.
We were greeted by the MIA rep at the baggage collection belt. She was confronted by a group of us and was asked why she didn't respond to us, why she had lied to us, etc. - after a couple of minutes of back and forth jarring, she said, quote, "SO I LIED TO YOU, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT NOW?" Airport security, armed with machine guns, start to surround our group and I just backed away. The last thing I wanted was to get arrested there. I would probably still be sitting there. So....after several minutes of arguing....we were told to drag our luggage AGAIN to board a bus AGAIN to be taken AGAIN to the same hotel from the night before, where, oddly enough, we were told that morning that the hotel was booked the entire rest of the weekend. Received room key at 10:00 pm.
Sunday the 12th: Had another meeting to discuss status - was informed Vacation Express could not get anyone out until at least Monday. Bryan ends up with the medic because his hand is swollen from all of the bug bites. Decided to just give up and laid by the pool all day.
Monday the 13th: Doesn't it figure that I'd have to fly home on the 13th??? We had to check out by 6:00 a.m. to fly home at 8:00 a.m. Tote our luggage AGAIN, load a bus AGAIN, and ride AGAIN to the airport. When we arrived, the airport wasn't even open yet and we had to stand in line for over an hour to wait for our boarding passes - which were handwritten. By the time we made it through customs AGAIN they were already calling the last boarding call. The new plane was GLORIOUS. The crew told us that they were called at midnight the night before to fly a "RESCUE MISSION" to get us the hell out of there. I was so thankful. But, I was also a nervous wreck. I don't like to fly anyway.....and certainly not after the last few tries. But, I sat in my seat, closed my eyes, and prayed. For the first time in my life....I gave up everything I had to God. I just told him that I was lifting all of my worries up to him and trusting in HIM completely. And you know what? That was the most peaceful moment of my entire life. One that I will never forget.

Half-Nekkid Thursday - 03.16.06

Isn't it fitting that my 200th post is about being naked....or "nekkid"!

I am still working on the "novel" which explains all of the sordid details of my "vacation". I will post that later this afternoon. However, in trying to keep up with something half-way normal, here is my HNT post.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I Made It Out Alive

This is Jen!!! I just made it back yesterday! I know that everyone is dying to know the details, and, I promise that I will give them to you. But, right now, I'm depressed, traumatized, frustrated, pissed-off and exhausted.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I made it home okay and to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I promise to post later on today and fill you guys in.
It's so good to be home!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Hey...this is Emily again, I just wanted to let everyone know to keep Jen in your thoughts/prayers whatever it is that you do. She was supposed to come home from "paradise" Friday night, but is still stuck there with not much hope of coming home soon. She is really upset and panicking. Just to give you a quick low down...the first time they got on the plane...she looked out her window and saw fuel hitting the window and the plane nose diving for the water...luckily, they turned and landed safely but back at the same place they left...they had to dump their fuel in mid air...the second time, yesterday, as they were taking off, the cabin filled with smoke, and they didn't even get to take off. She is stuck in a place where they don't speak English, they have weird food, and $4 pringles out of a vending please please, keep her in your thoughts. I know how my sister is, and I know she is freaking out right now. That's really all I can say for now since I'm not exact on most of the details, I'll let her tell the story when she gets back.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday - 03.09.06

This is Jen's sister, Emily, posting for her while she's away in paradise...bitch. j/k j/k So here
there we go!

P.S. To clear up the confusion, they are Jen's feet.


Friday, March 03, 2006

So Sad....

I am hoping I can post one more time before I leave for the sun, sand and surf. But, if I don't get a chance to, I just wanted to say that I will miss you guys!

I hope that doesn't sound too pathetic....but right now, you guys are my lifeline! I love you all and appreciate your support and comments more than you will ever know.

So, don't forget to check back in a week! There'll be lots of Jen Love Comin' Your Way!!!!!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday - 03.02.06

I think I'm really going to enjoy these HNT's.

I almost forgot it was Thursday and that I was expected to post a "half-nekkid" picture, so I had to shoot this one when I got out of the shower this morning.

To join in the fun, click below.


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Family is Everything

As those of you who visit here regularly know....I love my family. Sometimes maybe too much (if that's possible). A while back I told you guys that we just found out that my uncle (who's only 45) has colon cancer. His wife (who's only 44) had a heart attack a year ago. Needless to say, they've been through the ringer.
As a short back story, my aunt and uncle are two of my best friends. I used to see them almost daily. But, when my Gran died, they packed up and moved to a town about an hour away. I know that's not really that far, but adding a two hour round-trip drive to any visit is taxing. Anyway, it had been almost a year since I had been to their house. With my own train-wreck going on, I've been too self-involved to visit, knowing that it was going to be depressing. But this weekend, I was bound and determined to change that. With my sister and Melly in town, I decided we should all go for a surprise visit to lift their spirits a little bit.
So, we loaded Melly in the back seat and took off.
Doesn't it seem like I'm always posting pictures of Melly sleeping in the car? I know she looks severely uncomfortable, but she actually made her a little bed. She's very crafty. LOL
Here's the beginning of her "Can You See Me?" game. She was having a blast.
Getting mad because I was too busy taking pictures to play along.
Giving up and just being goofy.
Em, Me and Melly. My hat says "Classic Bitch" - which is one of my faves. I get alot of looks when I wear it. Mission Accomplished. LOL
My Uncle, Aunt and Cousin.
My cousin looks like a thug in this picture, but he had just gotten off a 12 hour shift. This picture kinda cracks me up because it is the epitome of Kentucky casual. My uncle is sitting there in "cover-alls" having just come in from outside. My aunt is sportin' a nice sweat-jacket and, of course, my "thug-looking" cousin. I don't know....I just find the picture funny.
Anyway, we had a really good visit and it made my heart a little lighter knowing that I had come to see them and spread some good old-fashioned Jen Love.
P.S. Only Five More Days Until I'm In Paradise!!!