!@#$%^&*(

Well, a lot has happened since I posted last. You know how I get…..sometimes I just don’t feel like thinking or talking about my life. Other times, I think and talk WAY TOO MUCH about it.

A week before Thanksgiving, my Mom decided to cancel the tradition we’ve had since I’ve been born, in favor of driving to New York to spend it with my sister. Of course, I understand the reasoning behind it. My parents just adore my nieces. And because they had already missed Melly’s 7th birthday the week before, they felt they needed to be with them. It was very sad for me not having my family around. It just brought back all the feelings I have about being single and childless and knowing that one day, all of my holidays will be this way. It’s just plain depressing.

This was my first year cooking Thanksgiving dinner. My boyfriend had his brothers over (both of their parents passed away years ago), and I must say that I am extremely proud of myself. My dinner turned out absolutely wonderful, and it made me feel good that he, at least, had his family around. It was a really nice day for him and I feel like they all really enjoyed themselves.

Saturday was my 35th birthday. Needless to say, it turned out to be a disaster – one that I don’t feel like discussing. Sunday, my boyfriend left for a work trip out of town, and will be gone for about two weeks. Alone again…..

I really need to get a life.

On a positive note, Extreme Makeover Home Edition was in town recently to build a much-deserving family a new home. I volunteered my time and spent an evening in the freezing cold working on the job site. What an adventure that was!! I will be using this as my theme for this week’s HNT, along with a little back story about the family.

Anyway, I really hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.

XO - Jinsane

Checking In...

Sorry I have no HNT today...I'm having issues with my camera and some family drama. I just wasn't in the mood this week. I hope everyone is doing well!!

HNT 11.08.07

The countdown to my heartbreak has begun. How do you prepare for something that you know is going to change your life….that you know is going to tear you down…..that you know will forever haunt you as the one thing you could have avoided, but didn’t?

I’ve always been a free spirit. Never afraid to tell people how I feel….to act on my feelings….to jump right into anything…..that is what makes me who I am. But, sometimes I get to the point where I am tired of always being the one left behind. I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.

Here in a few months , “LC” will begin the house-hunting process. I am left in limbo as to what I should do from there. If I wait until he moves out to put my house up for sale, it could take months, or even years, to sell it. If I put it up now and sell it – and he hasn’t found a house yet – then what would he do? Of course, I know that sounds ridiculous. Why in the hell should I worry what he would do – he’s the one moving out? Let him worry about it….and I will worry about me. But, that’s just not who I am.

He’s made it PAINFULLY clear to me that he doesn’t like feeling married. He is extremely independent and basically he wants the relationship his way. Why is it taking me so long to realize that this is not the kind of relationship I want? And, even though I’m realizing it….why am I still wanting to be a part of it? Because I love him. It’s really that simple. God, sometimes I feel like the biggest fuckin’ idiot!