Lil' Sturgis Chronicles

WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT (well, not totally explicit, but there is some partial nudity)!

The only bad thing about going to an event like Sturgis, is that (for my purposes here) I can't really show any of the good pictures, or tell the best parts of my escapades, but there is still plenty to share.

The best thing about bike rallies is the fact that everybody gets along.....it's all about sharin' the love. You'd think with thousands of bikers and gallons and gallons of alcohol, on top of the fact that 80% of the people there are half-nekkid, that trouble would be a-brewin'. But it's the total opposite. Everybody is there to have fun....and trust me....fun was had by all. I have never seen so many characters in all my life. Even huge women who, by the way, shouldn't really be walking around naked were treated as if they were hot as hell, and I think that mentality is awesome!!

We left bright and early on Wednesday in a caravan of about 10 people and headed on our way. We had more people coming to join us a few days later. Mind you, the Rally didn't really even start until Friday, but you have to get in line to get in. Some people get there as early as two weeks in advance. What happens is....once you get there, you are lined up in a staging area where you camp the first night. Then, the next morning, they come around and collect your money and give you a wrist band that has to be worn at all times, and put a sticker on your vehicle. Then, they let you into the compound a row at a time. Remember, there are thousands and thousands of people. The reason people want to get in line so early, is because once they let you into the compound, it's a free-for-all to find the perfect spot where you will spend the next four days. The other crazy thing about rallies is that they are policed by bikers. There is no law enforcement in the compound. Of course, the security team was comprised of Hell's Angels members, so it's pretty easy to see why MOST people behave themselves.

We drove through hard ass rain the entire time getting there and when we pulled into the staging area, the RV tires went straight into the mud. They ended up having to get a couple of John Deere tractors to pull the RV's and campers out of the muck and into a spot.

As soon as we parked, we popped the tops....and pretty much drank non-stop for the next four days. We didn't want to unload or unpack anything, since we were moving into the compound the next morning, so we just all pulled out our chairs and coolers and sat in a big circle talking and laughing....mostly laughing. One of the couples that went had a "horn" that was made of plastic and pretty much set the tone for the week. The thing about the horn is that you pass it from person to person to see if they can get it to blow really loud and deep. You can NOT pass on the horn. If you are in the circle, you have to play. I swear I never laughed so hard in all my life, because usually it would take about five times before you could get it to work, and some of the sounds that came out of that thing were just hysterical. Of course, I'm sure the alcohol made it even funnier.

God Bless the Horn!!

The next morning, we got up, waited for the word to move and struck out to find our campsite. We found a perfect spot right on a major corner, with plenty of shade. We attempted to form a wagon train so that no "outsiders" could invade our camp. But, as the days worn on, stragglers would come in and before we knew it, we had about 10 other tents around our camp. The good thing about events like these, is that you really "bond" with the people camping around you, because you spend so much time together. It's like a little family for a week. I fell in love with everybody I met and had to best time with each and every one of them. Of course, I don't know any of their real names, because you all know I love to give pet names.

The first of our "week-long buddies" that I met was the first guy who came up to our circle where we were sitting and offered us beads on the first night. He had this HUGE set around his neck and this BIG beer bottle, which I thought was hilarious. I asked him what was required to earn those big beads and he gave that typical guy grin and said something outrageous. I started laughing and told him that I was positive he would still be wearing those on the last day. (He was!!!) I dubbed him "Bead Boy" and continued to call him that for the rest of the week.

The only bad thing about the trip was the heat! It was so f'in hot, I didn't think I could take it. I'm talking about the kind of heat and humidity that smacks you square in the face when you walk outside. I mean, just sitting still I had sweat dripping in my eyes. It was pretty intense. But, at least we had the RV where we could go inside and cool off for a minute. Our first morning, I woke up and saw this drunk guy passed out in his camper - with no air - and wondered how in the hell he could lay there like that. He had to be totally out of it! It makes me sweat just looking at the picture again.

Of course, our campsite was right next to the infamous Tit's-R-Us Headquarters. These guys were absolutely hilarious! They had a huge Stop Sign right on the corner, and of course, every bike would stop, the girls would flash them, and they would give you a "stamp". It was pretty cool to have them right next to us, because we didn't even have to leave camp to see all the wildness.

They also had a "tiddie pool" set up in front, so when babes got hot, they could just walk up and hop in. Of course, by day two, I wouldn't even dip my little toe into that water.

The intention of alot of people at Sturgis is to attract attention. Some of the costumes, clothes - or lack thereof - and hats people had on were hysterical. Like, this guy for instance:

Or this guy....who I dubbed "Flasher". His sign said: "Flash Me and I'll Flash You".

Or, this guy (in the background), who just walked around the entire weekend butt naked without a care in the world:

Or, this guy - President of Tits-R-Us - showing off his grilling apron:

Of course, for the most part, the mission (in no particular order) is to get as drunk as possible, ride your bike around the compound as many times as you can, flash body parts, give and receive beads, walk the compound (which consists of one campsite after another - about five miles' worth) and basically just party your ass off. Each campsite has something different to offer. A few even brought their own stripper poles!

Here are some pictures (the ones I deemed appropriate to share) to give you a little idea:

My drinkin' and walkin' buddies: Sandra, Me and Bobbie Jo

We were out walking the trail and stumbled across Bead Boy's camp and had to share a toast! Side Note: I don't even remember this picture being taken. Oops!!

Sturgis is not for the faint at heart. It's all in good fun, but if you can't handle loud partying, motorcyles that never stop and full frontal nudity 24/7 - stay at home.

Finally, I wanted to give a shout-out to all of the people who were worthy of my pet names: Bead Boy; Milwaukee's Best; Memphis; Three Card; the Pink Ladies; Asshole and Argon.

And to: LaDonna, "Jack", Bobbie Jo, McGyver, Lisa, Willie, Tracy, Duane, Shawn, Dave and Sandra.

And, last, but not least, LDC. (Thanks for taking me swimming!) ;o)

Thanks to all of you for contributing to one hell of a Fan-Fuckin-Tastic time!