Wednesday, October 19, 2005

OH MY GOD....

So....I write a post yesterday freaking out because my brother-in-law is getting shipped away in three months. I'm sitting at home last night when I get a text message from my sister. They're Pregnant! I really am happy for her, but I couldn't help that pang of....I don't know....could it be.... jealousy???? I think I went through this when she got pregnant with my niece. You know....that....I'm the oldest.....I should be giving my parents their first grandchild.....kind of thing? It just makes me realize even more that my life is going backwards instead of forwards....and I'm tired of it. After that slight pang went away, I started to worry. She is going to be pregnant alone, delivering alone, driving back home alone (to stay with my parents) with the baby after my niece is done with school. Then....when my brother-in-law gets back from overseas, she is going to leave again. It took my mom forever to get over loosing Melly. I mean, it was as if Melly was her's. They lived with my parents until she was four years old. I hate to see that happen again. I know my parents will be thrilled with another grandchild....and I am too. I just hate the circumstances and I hate that I can't be there to help my sister through it.

4 Comments:

Blogger CitySoul Opined...

I understand the envy...my younger sister is in grad school...and just has everything together. I'm the oldest...I feel like I should be the one. As for her being alone, thats tough..I hope it all works out.

October 19, 2005 8:49 PM  
Blogger cityman05 Opined...

Hey, I know how you feel. My brother was shipped off to Iraq last year and his wife was expecting. They let him come home for two weeks when the baby was born, but shipped him off again. His son was almost a year old when he got back, but he bonded with him instantly.

October 19, 2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger JAX Opined...

On the upside, I like your new profile picture. It's so cute.

October 20, 2005 12:09 AM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Again...thanks guys. You really have no idea how much your comments and kind words mean to me. It's kinda weird how involved you get with your "blogger friends", isn't it? But I like it...I thrive on weird.

October 20, 2005 9:16 AM  

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