Monday, June 19, 2006

Should I Stay or Should I Go?


Nothing new to report. Still struggling with getting out of bed in the morning. Things were much better when I could dive into work. However, after getting royally screwed by them, this is the last place I feel like being. My motivation and productivity have gone out the window - along with my optimism.
The one thing I used to be able to say about myself, was that no matter what was going on, I knew I would get through it. I had faith in God, in my family and in my friends. Now, I don't feel like I even have that. I'm pissed off because of how disillusioned I feel. I am seriously considering packing my bags and making a new start somewhere else. I couldn't possibly feel any more alone, so why not move? I'm going to lose my house and everything else I've worked for, my phone hasn't rang, and basically nobody gives a shit, so why should I?
I hate what this situation is doing to me. I see it happening, but I'm powerless to stop it. I have lost interest in everything, which I know is a sign of depression. I've tried counseling in the past, and I just don't want to go there again. It's not for me. I'm sorry that I haven't been commenting on anyone's site lately, especially because you have all been here for me. It's not that I don't care. All of the best things about me.....I'm losing. My compassion and caring for others, always wanting to be there for everyone, to make their lives better - I'm done. It has gotten me absolutely no where. Don't get me wrong, I've never done for others because I wanted something in return....it's just finally dawning on me that I have no one in my life that does that for me. No One!! Man, that really hurts.
So....should I stay or should I go?

17 Comments:

Blogger Scott Opined...

I am glad that you have tried counselling previously. What I would suggest is to try a different approach with a different counsellor. Look into something called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. It is quicker and does not require an extreme long term committment.

You can also talk to your Doctor about medications and what not, although it does not sound like are clinically depressed. Still the Doctor is always a good resource.

I worry about you and hope that you start to feel better soon.

Scott

June 19, 2006 11:01 AM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Scott: Thanks for your continued support! I'm sure I'll be OK. I'm just not sure when.

June 19, 2006 11:52 AM  
Blogger nelle Opined...

I say go! (You knew I would).
You can't expect a new place to change how you feel, but sometimes a new place can provide inspiration. And maybe that's just what you need.....

June 19, 2006 12:54 PM  
Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

Oh, but ma' cherie your phone has rung! At least a couple of times that I know of.

You will make it through. And perhaps a new start wouldnt be a bad idea, mainly because it would trick your mind more than anything else, into feeling like you've got a clean slate. Then again it would be more work and that cannot always be a good thing.

I'm here for you sweety.

-Twisty

June 19, 2006 1:33 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

EJ: You're right, I knew you'd say go!!

Twisty: What I meant about the phone was the people here! You've called more than anybody! ;o)

Maybe I'll move to NC.

June 19, 2006 1:58 PM  
Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

I'm down wit' that. I'll be your little big brother here and takes goooood cares of yas.

-Twisty

ps. Or I could be your 'friend' *wink wink*

June 19, 2006 2:25 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Twisty: Either one is fine with me! Look through the classifieds and find me an apartment and a job - and I'm there!

June 19, 2006 2:48 PM  
Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

I need to know your 'specializations' and I dont mean your naughty bits. Or you may end up working at the fairgrounds shovelling um.... fodder. Heh tell me what ya need and etc.... ok hope your feeling gooder now.

twisty

June 19, 2006 3:54 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Well, I'm just trying to breathe in and breathe out - that's about the extent of it.

I need something in legal - preferably a paralegal position, but I'll take anything at this point.

June 19, 2006 4:01 PM  
Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

How about paralegs... I need a good para-legs... (sorry couldnt resist) Hope you're getting cheered up a bit....

June 19, 2006 5:19 PM  
Blogger Ellen Opined...

Actually a change of place isn't a bad idea at all. I did it when I moved to Atlanta, and although it was scary at first, I can now look back over 23 years and say it was the best thing I ever did. (I ended up saving my own life by doing it.... very long story!)

I hope you find the answer you need to dig out of this pit you've been thrown in.... and know that anything or anywhere you choose, we will be with you all the way!

xo~

June 19, 2006 8:16 PM  
Blogger Wiwille Opined...

I think receiving counseling would be more important than moving, or both at the same time could be healthy.

Seattle could always use another insane blogger. The rain would get to you though.

June 19, 2006 10:18 PM  
Blogger Kelso Opined...

I know somewhere in PA is looking for a couple of legal positions at Progressive Inusrance... Not sure if that helps or is somewhere you would want to go... I know what you mean about the phone not ringing. A couple of years ago, I had a really bad time and wound up going on some meds because I wasn't eating or sleeping and constantly crying. If you go, it doesn't always solve everything. Trust me, I moved almost 800 miles away from mine and the same problems still surface.

June 20, 2006 2:31 PM  
Blogger Snaggle Tooth Opined...

Here's to a more positive number, AND...
I gave up on trying to reach out to so many "friends" who never reached back it's rediculous!
People are just way busier with sig-others, kids, work, n get so into their own lives, they don't take time to look outside the self-window...
When you're a giving soul, n thrive on it, looking out for others is the motovation to keep trying.

Some people just never reach! One of my old friends refuses to ever make calls, n swears it's nothing personal. That person is some one worth not giving up on, for many reasons, n is some one who has no one else to check up on them (my needed motovation to help).

You're motovation is slippin because ya don't wanna keep spreading the misery, a noble reason, but we here all wanna help you out-
Maybe those friends there don't wanna hear it, or they just don't know what to say, or how to help.
Stayin turned in will just get you more miserable, ya need others to pull you back out, n have to give them a chance to try if they dare, or trade them in....!

Keep all your options open

June 20, 2006 9:11 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Thanks for all the wonderful advice guys. I keep re-reading them for positive re-enforcement!!

June 21, 2006 10:56 AM  
Blogger Professor Fate Opined...

Therapy isn't for everyone everytime. It has never helped me but I know those it has helped.

Talking or writng helps (but you are doing that).

Like Scott said talking to your doctor may be a good idea. Clinical depression is different that just being sad. It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. At least you'll know more.

Moving is normally a a bad idea, but you don't have a support structure to lose. Picking up and going isn't necessarily a bad idea. You'd get a fresh start, new friedns, and a place devoid of memeories.

Make sure that whatever path you choose, you choose it for you. You are comsideing a HUGE change in your life don't do it out of fear or desperation. Make the change (or not) becuase it will benefit you and make you a better happier person in the long run.

eHUGS!

June 22, 2006 8:00 AM  
Blogger Wenchy Opined...

God knows I hear you... on every imaginable level. I wish I didn't.

June 22, 2006 11:05 AM  

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