Saturday, June 03, 2006

Heartbreak Hotel.....Oh...And Some Good News

Let's start with the good news!!! They are going to wait to take the my sister's baby until either Thursday or Friday of this coming week. The good news is that my sister's OB was able to get in touch with the Red Cross, who, in turn, contacted my bro-in-law's seargant in Afghanistan. They were able to rearrange some flight plans and he will be able to make it here for the birth! Whoo Hoo for them!!!
On to the heartbreak.....hubby came to my house last night around midnight, because he had decided that was the perfect time to start packing the rest of his things. Why does my heart feel like it's been ripped from my chest? It's not like I didn't know this was coming. It's been a year and a half. What have I been clinging to??? I just went to bed and tried to sleep. It didn't work.
I wake up this morning at 6:15 a.m., only to find him in our bedroom cleaning out the rest of his drawers. Is there any reason this had to be done at the crack of dawn??? I left and came down here to work. I can't take it. I just don't understand why I'm freaking out. I'm smart, and strong-willed - so why am I feeling so absolutely desperate??
I really don't think I can handle this. It's all hitting me again and I don't know how to deal with it.
My heart and soul are screaming.


Blogger Mattbear Opined...

Forgive me for saying this, but your ex sounds like a manipulative jerk. Seems to me he did those things at that time to make you uncomfortable. To make you stress out.

Anyway, that your brother-and-law will be able to make it home is often. I was out to dinner when the doctors decided they needed to do an emergency c-section to get my son, and I freaked out because I had to hurry back to the hospital and missed half the procedure. I can't imagine what it would be like to be half a world away!

June 04, 2006 1:20 AM  
Blogger Snaggle Tooth Opined...

See, things will work out for the baby after all.

About the hubby's odd hours of operation, I would've insisted it was done during decent hours, especially while I was awake. You're being too kind, he's taking advantage of your feelings for him- You should mind! He's not playing nice... He's cementing the end of the old relationship you still want back, of course it's hard to accept.
Good luck to you, hang in there!

June 04, 2006 1:26 AM  
Blogger nelle Opined...

I agree, you don't have to put up with that. He can do these things during normal hours. Good luck hon.
Glad to hear your brother in law will make it back for your niece's birth. At least you have some good news, and something to look forward to!

June 04, 2006 1:15 PM  
Blogger Ellen Opined...

It really shows how little your ex-hubby respects you by dropping by at unreasonable hours to pack his stuff. This couldn't have been done when you had ample notice, so that you could have already made yourself scarce while he was decided to get his stuff?
He might as well have grabbed into your chest and ripped your heart out and stomped all over it.... oh wait, he did.

Poor you, chickadee. Like your plate isn't already full enough!
The hardest part of all of this is that now it seems MORE final than before.
I say: go take a nice long bubble bath with plenty of scented candles, good cying music in the background and have yourself a good cry. Don't hold back.... let it all out. You have every right to breakdown as much and as hard as you want! You'd be surprised how wonderful it feels to have a good-long-hard cry! It cleanses the soul, and you deserve a break-down like nobody I know.
There's always a tomorrow, and you can pull it all back together then.

I am very happy to hear that your brother-in-law is allowed to come back to the States during your sisters delivery. That certainly is a great piece of news! Will have the prayers continue for them and you!

Take care, chickadee!

June 04, 2006 9:15 PM  
Blogger Scott Opined...

I hope that by the time that you read this you are feeling better. I can't imagine what it is like to be going through what you are dealing with right now.

I wish you the best and encourage you to reach out to the people in your life that are there to support you.

I am a big fan of support groups as well. If there is a group in town with people going through similar things it would be great to connect.

Be well,


June 04, 2006 10:36 PM  
Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

Sweetheart, the only thing that came to mind when I read the post (after panic hit me when reading your comment on mine) was exactly what mattbear said in his first paragraph. Hang in there darling. I am here for you and you know how to reach me. I wish there was something I could say or do to make all the pain go away but from being in the shoes myself at times I know there isnt. Best I can do is delay the inevitable and distract you with images of me running around naked flailing my arms like a girl trying to fly while screaming SPIDER!

hows that babydoll?


June 05, 2006 9:15 AM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

MB: Nothing to apologize for, he is a manipulative jerk - but I love him still. It's hard to let go of something you spent almost half your life working on.

Snags: You're absolutely right.

EJ: I am definitely looking forward to it, even if it does remind me that my life is a total disaster.

Ellen: I've had a few good cries over the last few days, and you're right, they do make me feel better. But then, it all sinks in again and I just want to where, I have no idea.

Scott - Well, I wouldn't say I'm feeling better, but at least I have work to dive into. That makes it a little easier then having the weekend to spend alone and by miserable. I'm working on it!!

Twisty: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! That definitely did the trick. I needed a good laugh this morning, and every time I feel low today, I will think about that.


June 05, 2006 9:42 AM  
Blogger Wiwille Opined...

You should have made him wear his underwear on his head while he packed. I mean seriously him coming over and packing in the middle of the night? Was he high? He's definatley not a man with big brass balls.

June 05, 2006 9:37 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

I don't think he was high, but he may have been slightly drunk. I think he's just as fucked up about this whole thing as I am, and is just trying to make it through.

I sound so pathetic....while do I still defend him?

June 06, 2006 9:36 AM  

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