And My World Came Crashing Down....
As you all know, this last year and a half has been a one-way ride into hell. Here's a brief recap of the things I've endured over the last year and a half (in no particular order):
My husband filed for divorce.
Had a falling out with my family over the divorce.
Lost my job (obviously, I had no trouble finding a new one!).
Lost all of my friends (divorce sucks!).
Got t-boned at an intersection in my new car and fractured my foot.
Found out I had Melanoma.
Lost Bryan.
Had the vacation from hell, which included a near-death experience.
Made up, then had another falling out with Hubby.
Lost my best friend because of drugs.
Scared my step-daughter so bad by crying hysterically, that she called the police and I got escorted to the nut ward for a night.
Had my hubby come into my house and tear it apart.
I decided to write this all down, because, as the title states, my world came crashing down again last night.
A few months ago, I was in the process of refinancing my house, so that I could keep it in the divorce. Because of the fact that hubby and I are trying to make this as easy as we can on my step-daughter, we decided to let her continue to live with me. We didn't want to uproot her in the middle of the school year, etc. So, we put everything on hold - trying to do the right thing. Well, after my vacation from hell, which caused me to miss extra time from work, among other incidents, I'm not in as good of shape as I was initially to refinance. Hubby informed me last night that it's all over - he's taking my step-daugther this weekend. Which translates into - I'm screwed!! He was helping with half of the utilities, groceries, etc. while she stayed with me. Now, with no notice whatsoever, I'm stuck with everything - which I can't afford. And, on top of that, I'm no in shape to obtain financing for my house. I'm about to lose everything I've worked so hard for.
Even with everything else wrong in my life, he and I had formed a new relationship where everyone got along. That, in itself, made things alot easier for me. Now, out of nowhere, it's all gone!
This is the most desperation I've ever felt in my life.
Does anyone have any suggestions for how, exactly, one pulls themselves out of the pits of hell?
posted by Jinsane at 9:49 AM
17 Comments:
The only suggestion I could possibly give is to remember that this is all temporary. We as humans are strong and can overcome anything especially since we're so fortunate.
Easier said than done I know.
My suggestion is don't hesitate to talk to those that are important to you. Talk to a professional if you need to, don't feel that you have to take on this whole burden on your own.
People are truly amazing though and come out of the depths of dispair remarkably well.
It seems that a lot of people lean on you for help, well it is time for you to lean on others.
Take care of yourself,
Scott
No one is ever without anything.
No one will ever loose everything.
For those that are most important will never be lost.
With that, you will make it thru and come out fine as ever...
WW: Thanks for that! It sure doesn't feel temporary right now!
Scott: I admit, one of my biggest faults is not taking care of myself, but instead, always worrying about other people! Sometimes, I just feel like I have no one to talk to.
Tan: What sweet words! Thanks so much.
XFX: I know sissy! There really are no words! But thanks for being there!
Kelso: I don't think she knows yet! He wants to wait until the weekend. Which means, no lake or any fun - just non-stop drama and heartache! I can't wait!
EJ: I'll definitely let you know! Is there any extra room for me in Spain?? ;o)
If you fancy it???? How long exactly have you been living across the pond?? J/K - I think it's cute! ;o)
If you fancy it???? How long exactly have you been living across the pond?? J/K - I think it's cute! ;o)
Yup.... you've been dumped with the plate of life all in one year, and you must be exhausted carrying such weight. I can only add my best wishes that things lighten up for you... and let you know that we are always here for you.
You just need one of those "I am woman, hear me roar!" moments, and I hope it comes soon.
Good luck, chickadee... many prayers will be said for you!
Only words my heart want to say is 'Love you'. You deserve so much more than what you are left with after the dust has settled. You do so much for so many that it will come back to you one hundred fold.
One never really appreciates a mountain's true hight and majesty without first seeing the low lands and valleys from which it rises. Your life will be that mountain and right now you're just getting a view of what it will become. It will get better sweety. (Hope that made as much sense to you as it did in my head.)
-Twisty
I wish I could say something that would make everything fine for you, but that won't happen.
One thing to consider: Simply "starting over". Sometimes, things happen for a reason. I've known people in similar positions to what you are in right now who re-located, or stayed in the same place and just re-did everything about their lives, and they usually come out better for it.
I realize it may not be possible for you - or more accurately, not seem possible - but it is something to think about.
Just recently you said you didn't feel you had close friends to count on. Your relationship with the ex would seem to no longer be a binding factor. Yes, you have a job, but those come and go. Yes, you have family, but they are your family no matter what (for better or for worse, for that matter!).
Think about it: wipe the slate clean, re-create yourself - in a new apartment, or a new city, or a new country. Don't limit yourself. Ties can be hard to break, inertia hard to overcome, but it can be done.
Just one option. Something to think about, nothing more.
Where exactly did ya put the list of good things about your life?
(ie: ad up all the good times ya listed on the blog here...)
Financing is based on home equity n income. Any recently vacant rooms to rent out? It's a good way to raise house funds (n income amount for the paperwork).
Cross the bridges when you get there, you still have time to work on solving the problem. Things will find a way to work out!
Good Luck, I've been praying you-
Ellen: Thanks so much! I do really depend on you guys for support. Which is kinda strange in a way, but I do nonetheless!! I wish people in my "real" life were as dependable!!
Twisty: How awesome!!! Of course, it made sense! Sometimes I think we have our own language! ;o)
MB: Very good advice! I just hope I have the balls to do it!! As strong of a woman as I am, sometimes I feel like a little girl! Especially, when my life is totally up-ended. It's happened before, and I finally thought I was set. I guess I was wrong.
Snags: I have had some good things happen to me over the last year - and I am blessed. It's just that I'm tired of not knowing where this is all going to end. It's just been a VERY long year and a half! I'm ready to move forward - but I'm stuck in the past!
Awe... This is terrible JJ. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you along. Why has he so suddenly made up his mind about this? Can you persuade him to reconsider?
Sounds like it is time for you to get creative with your financing and do your best not to let the situation stress you out... You will be fine, you can handle this. After all, you've handled all of these other situations in the past year and half, this too shall pass...
AJ: Thanks girlie! It's good to hear from you! I'm weighing all of my options and TRYING to stay positive. Keep you fingers crossed!
I found a mantra when my life was crashing down around me. Too many see this as overly religous or only associate it with AA, but it is good to hear ever now and then.
Lord grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
PF: Thanks for that!! I actually have that hanging on my bedroom wall, and I try to live that way. Sometimes, it's just easier to wallow in misery. I'm trying to snap out it - it just takes me a while sometimes.
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