Question For My Male Readers
Yesterday, while I was at work, I get a call from Hubby saying that he was going to go over to the house and get some more of his things. I just love how he decides to call me at work and ruin my day. But, that's beside the point.
I called him back and asked him if he would stop by after I got home and show me how to "juice up" our air conditioning unit, because that was always his job. I'm saving up for a new one, but for now, we have to give it a charge every couple of months. Anyway, he said that would be fine and that he would be over around 5:30 p.m.
So, I rush home from work and wait.....and wait.....and wait. I knew he was just being an asshole by not showing up until 7:30 p.m., but that's OK, because I'm used to it. He pulls in the driveway and goes straight to the backyard where the unit is. He then proceeds to come in to check the air flow, goes back outside a few times, the whole time not saying a word to me. Don't get me wrong, I know he's divorcing me, but we've always been able to carry on a conversation. Hell, he was fine on the phone just a few hours earlier. So, like an idiot, I try to talk to him anyway. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he just "didn't want to talk to me". He actually seemed really angry at me. Who knows why. I think it's easier for him to act like a dickhead then to actually show some feelings - is that the game all men play???
Anyway, after doing everything he can to push me away, yet again, he heads out the door to leave. But before he gets in his truck to leave, he takes my garbage out for me. WTF??? Where I live, we have to pay for garbage pick-up, so hubby always just took it to his work and threw it in the dumpster to save us some money. So, he actually takes the time to load up three bags of garbage to dump for me. While this is no big romantic gesture, it just makes no sense to go out of his way like that, when he won't even look at me or speak to me.
I mean, if he was so mad at me that he couldn't even say hello, why did he come over to fix the air conditioning. He didn't even show ME how to do it, he just did it on his own, and then to top it all off, he does something nice without me even asking.
Am I supposed to understand how his mind works??? Can anyone else explain it to me?
I'm just trying to keep the small amount of sanity that I have left.
*Jenfused*
posted by Jinsane at 9:16 AM
13 Comments:
Ok, well to tell you the truth it is a lot easier to be mad or angry with someone whether you had to make yourself that way or whether you truly are; in order to avoid hurting over something. I've done this and I know others do, its how it works. Goes to show that anger and hatred are (in a lot of cases) stronger than love. I'm sure it is just to hide the hurt because it seems he's doing it when he has to face you and that it hurts to do so. Take it with a grain of salt because its more than likely because he still loves you so much.
As far as the other stuff (ie. the trash and A/C... he's still caring in wanting to take care of you in little ways. Doing his manly parts here and there when he can to take care of you without having to 'talk' or be 'open' about things. This also proves my explanation in parargraph 1.
His 'assholeness' only proves he loves you. If he's insulting you and cussing at you during this whole time then he's truly pissed more than likely but some people still go that far at times when they are trying to just keep themselves from breaking down while looking at the person/s they love and know cannot be with any more.
make sense darling?
-Twistard
Wow longest post I've ever put on anyone's blog. Feel honored! =P
-Twistardlysickcycled
Twisty: Makes perfect sense. I know him better than he knows himself, and this is what I figured was going on. I just wanted some unbiased opinions. Thanks precious!!
P.S. I'm honored whenever you stop by.
P.S.S. Thanks for the text yesterday. I was in the middle of a breakdown when I got it and it meant so much to me!!!
XO
DG: Thanks for stopping by!! I appreciate your comment. I was hoping that's all it was.
Jen, I have to agree with Twistedpain and Desert Gigolo: I think that he still loves you, and is having a hell of a time dealing with his own thoughts and emotions. I know I would probably do things like that if I were in that same position. I think the assholeness is just his way of dealing with the hurt at the moment.
Men eh? I think that he is just feeling like an ass hole about how he is acting so to make himself feel better in some small way he is trying to do something "nice" that does not involve dealing with his feelings. Pretty complicated I know.
Scott
Nilo: Thanks!! I'm always trying to rationalize other people's behaviors, and I figured that was it, but you never know!
Kelso: I'm the total opposite. If I'm upset, you know it.
Scott: That could very well be!!
Hi, my name is Mike and I'm a recovering asshole.
I don't know why we do the things we do sometimes, and I doubt he does either. I think maybe you're thinking to much into it - I doubt he had any plans to be nice or not be nice, he was probably just going on autopilot. And his is probably set on "asshole" right now.
Here's the point - whatever his motivation may be, try not to internalize it. His behavior is not your responsibility and I don't think that figuring out why he does what he does would really change anything anyway. I know it's hard, but the faster you can disassociate youself emotionally, the less he'll be able to affect you.
just my .02.
XO
~Mike
Thanks Mike! I really appreciate your honesty....even though some of it, I didn't want to hear.
Well, I can't add anything that everybody else said so well, because I can see the logic now.
It was nice to see a great deal of male perspective about this. Somehow they can give you a better understanding than we girls can.... because I don't understand why hubby would go out of his way to bring out the garbage, yet be angry enough not to talk with you.
The men who stopped by to leave you comments made it so much clearer.
I'm like you.... if I'm mad, you'll know it... and I don't go out of my way for anything! Men truly are from Mars, and women from Venus when it comes to rationalization, huh?
xo!
Jen - It easier to push someone away and act angry than it is to be nice. Especially when a relationship is over.
My guess is that he took the trash out of some sort of "small," guilt for being so mean.
My 2 cents.
Hope your A/C is working good now. You might want to google the model of the A/C and see how to give it freon. It's not that big of a deal. You buy the freon and the rest of pretty easy.
Peace & Hugs,
- Neo
What a dumb candy ass he is. Seriously we can make all the simple observations "he's just hurting, he still loves you, he just doesn't know how to deal, but he's still an asshole" all we want, but the fact of the matter is he's a fucking child for acting this way. He's got the emotional maturity of a 13 year old and he needs to grow the fuck up and get over it.
Okay sorry about that little rant there.
Ellen: You've got that right! Two totally different worlds.
Neo: Thanks! I'll do that.
WW: Well, that just about sums it up!
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