In The Meantime......
While I'm in the midst of writing my next Chapter, I thought I would at least post something for you guys to read, so here goes:
1. I used to eat alot of natural foods until I found out that most people die of natural causes.
2. Gardening Rule: When weeding your garden, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, you know it's a valuable plant.
3. The fastest way to find something that you lost is to buy a replacement.
4. Life is sexually transmitted.
5. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7. Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
8. Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10. Why do people point at their wrist when asking the time, but never grab their crotch when asking where the bathroom is?
11. Why does your OB/GYN leave the room while you get undressed if he's going to see it anyway?
12. Why does Goofy stand up straight, while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs.
13. If quizzes are quizzical, are tests testicle?
14. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil made from vegetables, what is baby oil made out of?
15. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
16. Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
18. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face they get mad, but when you put them in the car the first thing they do is stick their head out the window?
19. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
20. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
21. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out"?
22. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken? I'm gonna eat the next thing that pops out."
23. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
24. This list sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
25. After I typed #24, I decided I'd better quit.
1. I used to eat alot of natural foods until I found out that most people die of natural causes.
2. Gardening Rule: When weeding your garden, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, you know it's a valuable plant.
3. The fastest way to find something that you lost is to buy a replacement.
4. Life is sexually transmitted.
5. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7. Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
8. Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10. Why do people point at their wrist when asking the time, but never grab their crotch when asking where the bathroom is?
11. Why does your OB/GYN leave the room while you get undressed if he's going to see it anyway?
12. Why does Goofy stand up straight, while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs.
13. If quizzes are quizzical, are tests testicle?
14. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil made from vegetables, what is baby oil made out of?
15. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
16. Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Quit Singing.....there's more...
17. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?18. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face they get mad, but when you put them in the car the first thing they do is stick their head out the window?
19. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
20. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
21. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out"?
22. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken? I'm gonna eat the next thing that pops out."
23. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
24. This list sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
25. After I typed #24, I decided I'd better quit.
posted by Jinsane at 2:11 PM
7 Comments:
ha ha ha...that is sooooooooooooo funny...woah never thought about some of these things....peace
The slinkie one is a favorite of mine from a while back. I pass it around work ever so often to keep people nervous about walking down stairs around me. Awesome Girly
so # 16....
I JUST realized this (and i'm 27) after singing both to my 1 year old nephew all weekend.
funny stuff....
funny stuff
How about this one, "Most people stop looking for work when they find a job."
You know, I always wondered about #16
ha ha ha ha
so true to some of these things...I especially like the cow and chicken thing...I often wonder who ate it first? who was brave enough....
I'd have been like the Life commercials....let's get mikey to try it....
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