Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Incoherent Ramblings of a Nut Case

There is no real rhyme or reason to this post....I'm just having one of those days where my thoughts are swirling around at such a rapid pace that I can't concentrate. So, I ask your forgiveness in advance because this is not going to make any sense.
I kind of feel like I'm right back in the same mind frame as when I started this blog in the first place.....way back in the beginning of 2005. It's funny how your life takes twists and turns and you end up getting a sort of "deja vu" feeling. Has that ever happened to anyone else out there?
Throughout my entire 20's, I lived my life for my husband. I was always there for him....never complaining, only to find out 13 years later that he wasn't who I thought he was. Hell, maybe I wasn't who I thought I was.
Then I go through that entire mess at Tim Tam's, which may or may not have been a catalyst to my divorce. I'll never know. And, honestly, I guess it really doesn't matter anymore anyway.
It's just funny how I lost both my marriage and my friends at Tim Tam's.....when they were both jealous of each other.....and now I have neither. I guess it was just meant to be.
The scary part is that I 'm not sure I learned anything from it. I'm still the same unflinchingly generous and compassionate person that I was then, and I'm still scared of getting my heart broken because of it. I LOVE so completely and so passionately that I'm not sure I'll ever find someone who loves me the same way. Maybe I ask too much. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I'm just in a melancholy mood today and none of this will matter tomorrow.


Blogger alannajoy Opined...

Cheer up JJ- You do NOT ask or expect too much.. You simply know what you are capable of giving and expect the person you are with to do the same. There is nothing wrong with that! You know what you deserve! Don't be afraid to look for it! Just keep your head up and don't worry about days like these, we all have them ;)

October 25, 2006 2:38 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Thanks AJ!! It's so nice to hear from you. I sure do miss all my old e-buddies! I know I haven't been around much either, but it's nice to know we can still find each other!! ;o)

Hope all is well!!

October 25, 2006 3:18 PM  
Blogger xfilipponex Opined...

so which parent did we get that from? i'm the same way...ughhh...did we get anything good?? lol

October 25, 2006 3:51 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

XFX: I'm not sure which one... probably mom! She's where we got all of the worrying traits from. LMFAO

October 25, 2006 4:08 PM  
Anonymous js Opined...

wtf isa Tim Tam?
You maybe cant expect a person to give as much as you but you can expect a person to give ALL they can reguardless of how much that is.
If they do that then they are all in and thats all you could reasonably expect of them. If all they have isnt enough then its on you to move on.
did that make sense?

October 25, 2006 4:11 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

JS: Yes. It makes perfect sense. It's just really hard to know when they are giving all they can.

Of course, I'm speaking hypothetically here. I was just in a mood.

Tim Tam's is a pub I used to go to all the time. It's a long story.

October 25, 2006 4:15 PM  
Anonymous js Opined...

yeah it sounds like it would be a long story

ok glad it made sense!!!!
you can't tell if he's all in you have to have faith in him and in your own intuition.

October 25, 2006 4:21 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

JS: Well, that's my problem. I have always trusted my gut....and look where it got me.

We will have lots to chat about later. ;o)

October 25, 2006 4:25 PM  
Anonymous js Opined...

im game for anything
i needta study up on your past posts so ill be up to speed
(i looked at the past hnt's of course)
yeeeeeeeeee haaaawwwwwwwwww

October 25, 2006 4:33 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

JS: That's pretty fuckin' funny. At least you're honest. Start with my "saga" on the sidebar. That's all you need to read to catch up.

October 25, 2006 4:36 PM  
Anonymous j Opined...

Hey Ima guy, we do pics, specially of pretty women! The half naked part helps too.
Ok, I'll check, see I am easily led too.

October 25, 2006 4:39 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

JS and J: I'm getting you two confused.

October 25, 2006 4:44 PM  
Anonymous j,js &jsull Opined...

don't be confused
its all me
im js and J
and jsull
i should decide huh?
its all me tho on this post
i read up
im up to snuff on the saga
damn thats the most ive read at one time maybe ever
but i got it!!
I even stopped by a hnt or 2 along the way!!!

October 25, 2006 5:01 PM  
Blogger Wiwille Opined...

Sounds like another chapter in the saga is in order.

Cheer up kid. Lots of drama happen at bars, but the good ones do come around.

October 25, 2006 11:36 PM  
Blogger eddie Opined...

Dear don't be scared to try and love, you will find what you want soon, but to lock your heart away from the world would be such a lost to you and the world, you have come a long way to get were you are, bad days will come but they don't last forever. as far as your x goes his lost will bite him in the ass soon enough, bet he dreams of what he are a great looking woman with a lot more than most have, look back and smile and give them all the middle finger... they all lost not you, you still stand tall, smile when you see them, as long as they can't take your pride they lose. smile dear i care, you ky women are strong, slap them all and tell them were to go, they can only take what you let them, DON't let them take any of you, be good and smile, aways leave them guessing....

October 26, 2006 11:03 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Eddie: As always, thanks so much for the encouragement.

October 27, 2006 9:20 AM  

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