Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Post Vacation Blues

Well, they finally hit me - the post-vacation blues. I always hate coming home from vacation.....back to the real world.....reality......the pits of hell!
I've been doing so well lately. Trying not to think about all my past troubles, hassles, and basic day-to-day drama.
Being a single white female really sucks sometimes. I just sat around last night, thinking of where I'm at in my life right now. Sometimes it really scares me. I can't get any financial aid to go back to school, because I make too much money. I can't keep going like I'm going on what I make. In the past, I've had to work three jobs just to make ends meet - but why should I have to do that just to survive??
I remember sitting on the balcony, staring out at the ocean on my last night of vacation, thinking that every single person in the world is alike in at least one way. Everyone always has the moment when they are completely and totally alone, thinking about things. Rich, poor, black, white, blah, blah, blah - everyone has moments of insecurity, moments of sheer panic at where their life is headed.
Will I ever have the family I've always wanted?
Will I ever get out of this dead-end career I've chosen for myself?
Will I ever quit worrying about paying my mortgage?
Will I ever be enough to keep someone happy?
Will I ever quit whining? (Don't answer that one!!)
Only time will tell.


Anonymous js Opined...

You have to make those things happen if that is what you want. You can't make other people do what you want but the other things you can make happen.
From the deep south we say take the bull by the horns. You have to make the life you desire, surround yourself with good people and shed any losers and the rest will take care of itself

October 11, 2006 2:43 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

JS: Thanks for the comment! I know that I can never depend on anyone for my own happiness. If I can't be happy on my own, I'll never be happy with anyone. I was just having a bad moment - it happens. ;o)

October 11, 2006 3:03 PM  
Anonymous js Opined...

Well those probs dont seem that bad. The carreer and the pay the bills you can change
the family thing will come
there is someone out there right now, someone you probably know or are aquainted with that would damn tickled for you to "keep them happy"
but you are right everyone has the moments
pull your panties up and carry on!!!

October 11, 2006 3:48 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

JS: I know it will all work out - I have hope (and faith)! I was just letting off some steam. Thanks for listening.

October 11, 2006 4:13 PM  
Anonymous Steve Opined...

Someone as beautiful and intelligent as you will find success and happiness! Hang in there!

October 11, 2006 5:04 PM  
Blogger eddie Opined...

We are all alone no matter who we are, all trying to find our place in life, but only you can make you happy, you are a good person, go out there and find what you want, and fight, claw, bite, do what ever you have to do to find your way, we live, we love, we are what we make our selfs, its in you in every drop of your blood, the want drives us to be what we can in life,stand and fight and know in the end you made what you want to happen, and if the world slows you down then slap it and smile and tell them all to kiss your --- and don't let them take your pride away from you, fight them, glad your back.....

October 11, 2006 7:28 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Eddie: Damn son - you made me cry like a baby!! Thanks so much for the encouragement. It means SOOOO much to me.

Hope all is well in FL. XO

October 12, 2006 10:28 AM  
Blogger Kelso Opined...

I still ask myself some of those questions and I have a finace... The money thing is always there. Between the both of us and his side jobs, we are still struggling. If it weren't for a total of 4 kids, I would love to have another one... I completely understand where you are coming from!

October 12, 2006 12:02 PM  
Blogger eddie Opined...

Sorry would not want a tear to be wasted, but your a ky woman and i know you can beat all that life throws at you,go ky girls, love them all, wish we had more in fl, be good .....

October 12, 2006 12:35 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Kelso: I know you understand. I hope all is going OK with you up there!

Eddie: A tear would never be wasted on you!! XO

October 12, 2006 1:49 PM  
Blogger eddie Opined...

tears are to be used on joy only, to bring one from your eyes in pain would be a sad day in my book, sorry if i upset you, was not my intenion...

October 12, 2006 9:17 PM  

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