Monday, November 21, 2005

Woe Is Me....

I'm losing my mind today! My (estranged) hubby came over to my house last night and destroyed the coffee table in my living room. He was like a demon possessed. He had this look in his eyes as if he was looking right through me. I just wanted to run and hide.



The next thing he did before he left was throw his wedding band at me. This is all that was left of it.


He told me he was going to his lawyer's office today and that our divorce would be final in eight days. We had gone to sign some preliminary paperwork back in July, but I had no idea it would happen this fast. I'm freaking out.

Why do I even care about it, or him, when he is so heartless? I guess because I've been with him for 12 years, and I don't want to let it go. I'm panicking and I'm scared.
And on top of all of that, I have to sit here at my desk and actually work? How can I focus on my job when I'm about ready to bust into tears at any given moment. Damn Him!
It's a good thing that one of my best traits is being able to maintain composure in times of utter devastation.

43 Comments:

Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen - OMG! What a prick! I've gone on some flip outs before but damn!

I'm not one to hand out marriage advice, but I'd get a restraining order!

Just take each hour as they come today. Don't stress yourself out too much, and when the day is over, go treat yourself to something special.

*hugs*

November 21, 2005 11:01 AM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Thanks Neo...I hate when I get "weepy". I'm not much of crier, but I'm hurt, I'm pissed, I'm sad, and I'm in shock.

I appreciate the advice.

My boss is supposed to take me out to lunch for my birthday, I just hope that I can maintain.

November 21, 2005 11:12 AM  
Blogger SkyeBlue2U Opined...

You'll be Fine. Try to think of this as a new beginning to Better things to come. I've been there also, (remeber we related to Santa Claus, who else but a Sag. could cover so much territory in so little time.) good luck and luv ya a sister sag.

November 21, 2005 11:33 AM  
Blogger Kelso Opined...

Wow! I would have to agree with Neo... I think I would be terrified of what he would do to me after seeing the coffee table.
I don't have much to offer except
"Good luck and stay strong."

November 21, 2005 11:36 AM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -HBD! You say it's your birthday? Happy birthday to ya!

Dah Dah Dah Dah Dah, Dah Da!

Dah Dah Dah Dah Dah, Dah Da!

So your going to the party party!

So your going to the party party!

Ok, enough of that.

Just take a deep breath and relax. You're a winner and you'll come out of this better off.

Just keep thinking you deserve better.

*hugs*

November 21, 2005 11:36 AM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Sky: Thanks Sagey! I need all the good thoughts I can get right now.

Kelso: I really appreciate it. It's hard to keep my head up, but I'll try. I'm pretty tough - on the outside at least. ;o)

November 21, 2005 11:37 AM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Well, my birthday is actually Thursday. I'm a Turkey Baby.

I'll try to keep remembering that, but it's hard. You know I have self-esteem issues.

He yelled at me that the divorce papers were my birthday gift.

What a jerk.

November 21, 2005 11:38 AM  
Blogger Kelso Opined...

I have the same problems with self esteem, so I know where you are coming from. He was a total jerk to tell you that was your present. Just don't let him wear you down. How is your step daughter doing in all of this? He should at least have enough common sense about her feelings.

November 21, 2005 12:09 PM  
Blogger Kelso Opined...

happy early b-day by the way!

November 21, 2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -Don't ever let a guy treat you like a doormat. He was lucky enough to marry you. Obviously he's the one with problems not you.

Don't let his hangups mess with your game plan.

*hugs*

November 21, 2005 12:40 PM  
Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

So I should expect you here when? I'll get out the fine china and the beer coozies. I'm sorry to hear about that sweety and I know you're safe with your CCW =P. My fights this weekend were never even close to that b/c I could never act like that and the wife usually only throws a few things here and there. I'm here for you anytime you need me.

November 21, 2005 1:03 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Kelso: Thanks for the b-day wishes. My step-daughter would rather live me than either of her parents - I don't know how that's going to work out.

Neo: I know, I know...it's alot easier for me to say it, then to actually do it. But I'm trying.

Twisty: I'll take the red-eye. LOL

November 21, 2005 1:22 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -In the famous words of Morpheus.

Don't think you're better, know you are. :)

November 21, 2005 1:24 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

You are so sweet - especially after I beat your ass - just kidding. I'm not trying to rub anything in....I'm just taking my glory where I can get it.

I just wish I didn't weigh my self-worth on what he's doing. It's really not even worth my time. I guess it's just because I don't know anything else. Does that make sense?

November 21, 2005 1:27 PM  
Blogger Kelso Opined...

Eric and I are going through the same thing with "his" oldest. He doesn't want to live w/his mom and has nothing to do with his father, and was adopted by Eric when he was 2. He has told me a couple of times that he likes me better than his mother. How old is she? Is she old enough to make her own decision in court? We are still waiting for the court to give a decision on where the kids will be and it's been almost 2 months.

November 21, 2005 1:34 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -Hey, I don't mind letting a girl win. Even if she was drinking a "Light," beer. I'll take my lumps. But I bet you the winner would have been me if it were a face to face. So :p

As for your problem, look at it this way, the sooner it's over, the sooner you can begin again.

*huggerz*

November 21, 2005 1:43 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Kelso: She's 14, so the Court would let her have a HUGE say in where she wants to live. I just don't know if I want that right now. I love her like she's my own, but I think it would be better if I didn't have to see HIM for awhile.

Neo: OK, OK - I'll give you that. Light beer does go down easier, but if you wanna go for a liquor challenge, you will lose.

I hope that one day soon I can realize that this is a new beginning and not the END of everything. It'll take time, but I'll get there. I'm a toughie!

November 21, 2005 1:47 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -The only hard stuff I'll drink these days is Tequila. But I'm afraid if I tried that, I'd end up getting arrested for being drunk in public. Man I can see the headlines now.

Man found naked talking to himself!

Page 3

November 21, 2005 1:59 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

That's a good one! But, hopefully, if you were drunk and naked, you wouldn't be alone. LOL

November 21, 2005 2:05 PM  
Blogger Ellen Opined...

Jen- No amount of advise or encouragement will take away the stings you feel right now, but know that you do have friends on the other side that support you and wish the best for you.

Hang tight, southern girl... remember you're a "steel magnolia".

November 21, 2005 2:08 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Ellen: Thanks so much. Everyone's words of encouragement really do mean alot to me. Even though I don't know any of you in person, it really helps to have you ALL here. I REALLY appreciate it. ;o)

November 21, 2005 2:12 PM  
Blogger JAX Opined...

Oh my goodness Jenn! When I commented earlier, I hadnt realized you two weren't together. I guess I missed that. How scary with that temper. I'm glad you are ok. I have never seen anyone do something like that. I don't know what to say. I know I don't KNOW YOU or the entire situation but it sounds like you are most certainly better off now. I know it must hurt but for sure, time will heal the pain. You're gonna be ok! In fact, it sounds like you are on the right track already. You are very smart. I'm still sorry for the sadness. xoxoxo

November 21, 2005 2:26 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Jags: Yeah, the break-up of my marriage is my whole reason for writing the "Saga". That's OK though, when you read 100 blogs, I'm sure it's hard to keep everyone straight...but I appreciate your sweet thoughts.

XOXO

November 21, 2005 2:35 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -Hey we were ahead of our time. Check it out.

http://www.graywolfs-den.com/Novemberfest2005.htm

(Just copy paste it into your browser.

We should be careful what we dream up eh buddy?

November 21, 2005 2:39 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Neo: Yeah, I've always been ahead of my time....and I have a feeling that you have been as well. I loved the note at the bottom. Priceless!

November 21, 2005 2:49 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen - Yes, I bet you are!

Neo rubs his hands together and plots the next adventure

November 21, 2005 2:50 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Neo - Looking forward to it!

P.S. I forgot to tell you that before I started on Saturday, I went out Bryan and we both had a Cheesesteak in your honor. ;o)

November 21, 2005 3:06 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -Awwww... Danke!

You gotta try the real thing sometime.

November 21, 2005 3:23 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -LOL, STEAK, (Get your mind out of the gutter)

November 21, 2005 3:24 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Neo: I would love to try the REAL thing sometime....Steak that is. ;o)

November 21, 2005 3:31 PM  
Blogger TwistedPain Opined...

No comment but ... well just no comment ma'am.

November 21, 2005 3:36 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Jen -LOL!

November 21, 2005 3:37 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Twisty & Neo:

Glad I could amuse you this afternoon.

I've got a meeting with my lawyer in 15...I'll be back later tonight when I get home.

Until then....Love Ya!

November 21, 2005 4:01 PM  
Blogger Neo Opined...

Peace out J! -

November 21, 2005 4:03 PM  
Blogger cityman05 Opined...

Jen, let that anger and frustration motivate you into doing something to push yourself forward.
You have a lot of raw emotion right now, use it for the good.
I don't know what your thing is, but when I go through a situation like that I take advantage of it and sit down and write.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

November 21, 2005 4:44 PM  
Blogger Joe Opined...

Holy Shit! Dude you need to send him a bill for the coffee table.

You don't need someone who is so immature to act out in a way like that in your life.

November 21, 2005 5:52 PM  
Blogger April Opined...

OMG Jen!! You poor thing. I've been in your shoes before, losing someone special and a big chunk of your life, no matter what an ass they act like. It's hard. They can be the meanest person, a different person from who you knew before, they can do things that scare you and hurt you but it makes it hurt no less. It really is true that time heals all wounds. It always helped me to remember these feelings would subside with time when it hurt the most, and they did. Don't be afraid or ashamed to break down and cry, scream, hit a pillow. I'm not a weepy person either, and try to hold it in sometimes, but I've found it's better to get it all out when you feel like it. Big ole cyber (((hugs)))

November 21, 2005 6:11 PM  
Blogger CitySoul Opined...

I'm so sorry Jen! why did he flip out like that? You haven't finished the story, so I'm not sure how you two got to this point. I hope you're ok...wish I could give you a hug...or just hang out and have some girl time. I'm thinking of you! xoxo

November 21, 2005 7:27 PM  
Blogger Aymster Opined...

I'm sorry to hear that Jen. I am glad it wasn't worse than that though. I know it's rough sweetie. It's happening quickly, but from the sound of it...the sooner the better for you. Good things will come to you after all this is through, just hang in there.

Happy Birthday! ;)

November 21, 2005 8:00 PM  
Blogger alannajoy Opined...

Oh Sweetie... Hang in there. It must be aweful what you are going thru right now.
Please know that you have all of our support and e-hugs and e-kissed coming atcha Darling.
Thinking of ya today =)
Chip Chirp, Cheer Up!!
alannajoy

November 21, 2005 11:31 PM  
Blogger Chitney Opined...

HOLY SHIT Jen, I haven't been keeping up with your latest entries, but I'm glad I checked up on you. I hope everything's okay.

The demolished table and wedding ring is just fucking scary.

Big hugs!!!

Chit
xoxo

November 22, 2005 11:23 PM  
Blogger Chitney Opined...

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

November 22, 2005 11:23 PM  
Blogger Jinsane Opined...

Kippy: I will try to use it for good and not evil - LOL. I sure am glad that I have my blog. It really helps me.

Joe: I know, I know...I think I'll take your advice and sent his ass a bill.

April: I cried, hit, screamed and basically got hysterical which is why I ended up in the loony bin for half a morning. See my next post. Figures, don't it?

City Soul: We'll he was intoxicated and upset about our relationship. Thanks for the sweet words - I wish we could hang out too. I really need it right now.

AStar: I'm trying to hang in there - it's hard some times.

Lan: Thanks for all of your support - it means alot to me.

Chit: It was fuckin' scary! Thanks for the birthday "shout-out".

November 23, 2005 9:05 PM  

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