Ash Wednesday

So....last night was a chaotic mess! BW and I got into a fight over the dumbest shit. We both ended up crying and I think we were both freaked out over the fact that we were arguing in the first place. Especially considering what it was over. JG is the biggest asshole I think I've ever met. I should have squashed this whole thing when it happened...but I was trying to be the bigger person and just walk away. I overslept this morning and had to call into work, which is the worst thing I could have done. (Especially since I'm on "probation".) Hopefully, I'll still have a job tomorrow.

My volleyball tournament is tonight and I don't feel like playing. I just want to lay in bed and watch TV....and stay the fuck out of the bar for once. Yeah....good luck with that one. I could (and should) go on a Makers Mark strike. I'll keep you informed as to how that goes. Maybe I could just start drinking water and/or coke when I go out. I wonder how different everyone would seem to me if I was sober at the bar? Maybe it would be so bad that I would never want to go in there again. I would really hate it, but maybe I need to before I'm in way too deep to get out. Sometimes I feel that I already am. And that scares me. I've always had control over what I'm doing...so what in the hell is happening to me now? Sometimes I feel like a completely and totally different person. Maybe that's why my husband is divorcing me....and maybe that's why I don't really care. Normally I would be a total mess right now, but I'm actually holding up really, really well.

Well....that's enough bitchin' for one day. I guess I'll go play some volleyball. Wish me luck!

JenJen Out!